… And They Lived Happily Ever After.

I love fairy tales and romantic comedies. There is something about a boy-meets-girl kind of story.

Writers and filmmakers are good about letting us enjoy the emotional high of the story. Ending the story with “…and they lived happily ever after.” Fade to black or “the end” with blank pages. Sometimes this line is implied, not stated.

As much as I love a good romance, seeing the moment they knew, no one ever tells you what living happily ever after means. It’s a vague concept that deceives us into believing that everything is rosy. It lulls us into a false sense of security. It tells us that there aren’t any challenges after the issues from the “Meet Cute” to the “Happily Ever After” are resolved.

Every story is packaged in a blue box with a white bow (or something similar).

Don’t be deceived by Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or whichever fairy tale resonates most with you.

Here’s the truth …

After their Prince Charmings swept them off their feet and carried them off into the sunset to the castle in the clouds … A new day dawned and stuff needed to get done.

Someone had to run the household. Even with servants or maids … someone had to supervise all those rooms being cleaned and organized.

Someone had to prepare dinner even if you have a kitchen full of chefs. Someone had to work with the head chef to plan the meals.

Money had to be managed so that the household affairs were in order.

Children were necessary to carry on the royal line. And even with nannies or nursemaids the children are still the responsibility of the parents.

The relationship fires had to be stoked to keep it burning hot. So they had to “show up” in the relationship. They had to learn how to communicate with one another because their filters and upbringing affect their world views.

First fights were inevitable after the honeymoon was over.

The struggles they overcame to be together are indicative of life. There’s always a conflict that needs resolving.  There’s always something. “Happily Ever After” does NOT mean you go through life together without any problem or challenge. They just don’t tell us that part of the story.

 “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.”

The secret to “Happily Ever After” is compromise, sacrifice, humility, and submission. You have to come to the relationship ready and willing to do these things.

My husband and I are living our “Happily Ever After”. We’ve had (have) our ups and downs. We had times we didn’t think we were going to make it. We’ve learned a lot over the years …

The first two years we were together when we would argue I’d get in my car and go to the store to think about things. I am confrontation adverse in that way. He would follow me to the door saying, “Can’t we talk about it?” Over time we’ve learned that I need a little more time to process and he needs closure quickly so I can’t ignore the conversation. We meet in the middle.

I kept a calendar for paying my bills even if I still paid them late. He paid his bills the day they arrived. Eventually, I decided that it was better to let him handle the bills. I always know what’s in the accounts. We’ve agreed that we keep one another informed of purchases but for the most part … managing money is his deal.

We have different ideas about parenting. One example, he believes in paying for “A” grades. I believe children should do their best in school and that reward shouldn’t be monetary. We find ways that allow both our needs to be met without confusing the boys in our expectations.

We have a mortgage and children. Our time is limited and we’re stretched thin. We don’t agree on everything. We are faced with the needs of aging parents. We have family and friends who need and want our attention. But our lives would be boring without all the struggle.

It’s NOT perfect, but …

I will fight for him and he will fight for me. We’re in this together. We compromise and sacrifice our way to “Happily Ever After” with submission and humility. It can be done. But it takes hard work.

What about you? What’s your definition of “Happily Ever After”? Have you found it?

About these ads

Comments

  1. I just love this little series–because I love you guys. Thanks for the insight into you!

  2. Whitney Rains says:

    This is a beautiful post. The Happily Ever After in the fairy tales always seemed like an ending, but really they were just the start of something new.

    It’s nice to read about a real life relationship with real struggles. A lot of time we are hit over the head with seemingly perfect relationships in books and movies and when things get tough in our own lives its hard not to think, ‘am I doing this right?’

    I’ve been with my guy for two years and even though we are not technically engaged right now (he wants to buy me a ring first and get married soon after, but we’re both paying for school now) we know we want to marry each other. We’ve had hard times, but he makes me happy everyday. I think this is what happily ever after is like, but I’m still young and I know I’ve got a lot of learning to do.

    • The “am I dong it right” question is ever present. That’s why we need to be real. There’s always struggle. And don’t sell yourself short because if age. Wisdom comes through experience. Being happy with your guy in spite of the tough times can be your definition of happily ever after. It doesn’t have to be the same as anyone else’s as long as the two of you agree to it. Thanks for reading.

  3. Ah yes, the life after “Happily Ever After”. Hey, thanks for being one of the few to talk about it! LOL! My hubby and I have been married over seven years and we’re hitting our stride now. I think the first couple of years are the most challenging, trying to figure out a cohesive rhythm together. Sure we have skirmishes now and then, but we are much less fatalistic about money issues, etc. After so many years, we’re kind of like war buddies. : )

    • Thanks Britt. I’m with you. Something about saying I do makes the relationship different and you have to learn new things about one another. The first few years were hard. The next few had some hard things happen and then we hit our stride. And I am thankful that we have.

  4. i totally agree with you..!!! we all dream for that happily ever after love stories but still so happy in our perfectly unperfect life:):)

  5. Oh no! I thought it was all true ;)

    I love this concept. I’m always the one who wants to talk things over and hubby is the one who jumps in the car and goes to the store!

    Marriage is damn hard work – but worth it all in the end :)

  6. I really like that you showed how conflict is an inevitable in Happy Ever After. People are imperfect, and it’s important to accept that in order to have a successful relationship.

    • Agreed. We are all flawed. Expecting perfection leads to disappointment. But if we shift the way we think about happily ever after that we can experience what we expect. Thanks for your comment.

  7. Thanks for the link back.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] of time to think. After reading the Jotter’s Joint recent posts on love (which you can find here) I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. What makes a good love [...]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 418 other followers

%d bloggers like this: