Don’t get me wrong, I like my job. I enjoy it. It fills some of my basic needs like a way to earn a paycheck. It also gives me the opportunity to learn new things every day; the opportunity to educate others (to a degree); and there’s variety even when everything is exactly the same.
Oh and did I mention, I’m good at it. That’s not a brag, it’s a truth. I’m good at my chosen profession.
Can you guess what’s next? Can you hear what is coming? Can you imagine the word on the tip of my tongue, on the point of my pen?
BUT …
I wouldn’t say I love it. And it isn’t my dream. It wasn’t my first choice. Which is probably why I’d rather be writing?
Remember taking career assessments in school? You know that ones … based on your interests and skills, they tell you what potential careers you should pursue. Well when I took them in junior high and high school my current job didn’t show up on the list. None the less here is where I’ve ended up.
So what did show up on the list? Journalism. Every single time I took a career assessment. And that was the path I thought I would follow. I loved writing and reading but not research. I still feel this way.
I’m not a journalist but I am a writer. This is my personal declaration despite lack of publication.
I’d rather be writing … more than handwritten correspondence … more than clever blog post … more than emails and business letters.
I’d rather be writing more than anything else in the world. This alone makes me a writer, right?
I find myself fully distracted at work and home. At the oddest moments I find myself craving a pen and paper or the click of my nails on the keys of my laptop. It’s so strong that I wish I could quit my job and walk away without regrets.
It’s NOT good. It’s NOT convenient. It’s NOT an option.
Do you have dreams or passions like this? A desire that’s all consuming? Feel free to share in the comments.
This distraction is paralyzing … You would think I’d be spurred on to write in the gaps of my days like a junky jonesin’ for a fix. But I don’t. Instead, I waste time watching TV or playing games on my computer (while I watch TV). I read or find any number of things to do with my time.
Why? When there are plenty of opportunities for me to focus on writing, the thing I’d rather be doing. Why am I squandering my dream?
It’s because it’s hard, as best described here by author and blogger, Jeff Goins. It’s because I’m most productive sitting at my desk at work in the early part of the day. It’s because I want it to be what I do in my “full time hours”.
Trust me … I know I need to use my time wisely so I can get to the point where I can transition to writing instead of carrying around this feeling. I will buckle down and get back to my novel.
Another personal declaration: I am a full time writer, who’s on the road to writing full time.
Anyway, just so we’re clear. In case you missed the meaning of this post. Let me say it again … I’d rather be writing …
What would you rather be doing?
the Jotter's Joint 
You are *totally* a writer! The passion you share says it all!
(Also? The pictures on this post are awesome! 🙂 )
Thanks Stephanie. I appreciate it. Writing is what I was born to do. And paper and pens are my fave weakness. Thanks for reading.
It’s a great weakness to have!
(Says she who emptied a box of pens onto her desk to use the box to send a book. I still need to find a home for the pens… kind of a daunting task. Oops.)
LOL. I’ve used a make up or toiletries bag hanging above my desk. Also multiple pencil holders. Kind of like grouping vases. Mostly though I lug them around in the garbage pail I call a purse.
*laughs* I think I’d worry about the wall. I’m thinking of just throwing them in my marker bin for now. It seems the easiest, less likely to send me into tears, way.
I know exactly how you feel I have retired just in time to write full time. When I say full time I mean when I’m not reading, shopping, and traveling. But I spent 36 years writing in a non writing job. It helped with grants, but never really felt right. I couldn’t say that my career was as a writer. You have found an outlet that I didn’t find, this column. So many people get something important out of this. I would have to say your real job is being a writer. I know how hard it is to click of Bejeweled off when you are beat from the work day. Its hard for me to come up with new takes on our world even when you have all day to think about it. Thanks for visiting. I like to feel like I am talking to someone out there. Susan
Thanks Susan. My game of choice is jewel quest. Very bad. I claim that it helps keep my mind sharp but really it’s a distraction. Writing non-writing. That makes me smile. I do a lot of business writing but would live to spend my days writing fiction. Thanks for reading.
Funny, my “real job” sent me to a session with a couple of coaches to talk about balance, and looking after ourselves so we can be better able to take on the challenges at work and all it did was confirm how much I would rather be doing something else! I love my blog and would truly love to take it far more seriously. Currently I find myself exhausted because of the demands of the “real job”, mostly mental and sometimes emotional and my commitment to my blog, which I won’t let go of because I like it, it gives me joy. What do you do when the thing that gives you joy is at jeopardy because of the things that pay the bills.
I press on, because the thought of giving up the joy makes it hard to breathe. After all, others face harder times than this and survive…so will I…I hope! 🙂
Thanks for letting me share.
Laura
Laura – I am right there with you! “Real job” pays the bills but it’s not my joy. The pressure of finding balance will form something great: the diamonds of our lives. Thanks for sharing!
I like that thought, “the diamonds of our lives”. I will try to remember that when things feel crazy. 🙂
Amazing. Who’d a thunk you could read my mind through this lil ol keyboard and monitor??? It seems to be my passion to retire and sew and write and take pictures and muddle/fuddle around the house and do a little cleaning and maybe even bake a batch of cookies. But not work. And when I get the chance to do all that – I don’t. Duh. Writing ideas go on vacation without me. The camera sits in its case in the bedroom. The house is not cleaned and the cookie jar is empty. But I am very adept at muddle/fuddle. That’s my specialty. I wish it were writing, though.
All that to say simply that I very much enjoy your blog and your writing style.
I like the idea of being able to muddle/fuddle around the house. I thought that this year I would be home full time but maybe some time down the road. I’m not much of a baker and I wasn’t patient enough to learn to sew when my mom took the time to teach me. Impatience and sewing don’t go hand in hand. But being home wouldn’t necessarily find me dedicated to writing although I like to believe it would. Thanks for sharing!
G,
This is exactly why I love reading your writing. You have a transparent spirit that I adore. I have visions of what being a writer looks like – and it’s so dreamy {in my mind}. And then the you that lives in reality sits before a piece of paper or a blank screen and realize: it’s hard work.
Thanks for the encouragement that your honesty brings.
TLC
Thanks TLC. I’m just keeping it real for me. I love it but it’s not easy. And that’s a big “T” truth for all writers. Thanks for reading. ~Gail
You have no idea how much I can relate…I’d rather be writing and taking photos. And I completely agree – I like my job, but I feel pulled in a different, but maybe unrealistic direction. It’s enough to make you crazy! Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. 🙂
Nope … you are not alone. The pull for me has been very strong lately. I love the feeling because I know it’s what I want and I hate the feeling because I know I can’t just do it right now. So writing in the gaps is all I have. Thanks for reading.
Me too. I am right there with you. Too much to learn and do and too few hours and dollars in the day!
Thanks Stephanie for linking to me. Appreciate it.