Jul 23, 2012

Unplugged, Turned Off, and Tuned Out

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Reading for unplugged times.

My family and I are addicted to technology especially my 5 year old who is bored in less than 5 seconds if we make him turn off his 3DS and play with … gasp … a toy.

Our boys get an hour of TV before going to daycare. An hour of TV when they get back from daycare. And, thankfully, they only get TV at daycare for special events tied to curriculum.

Sometimes they get a half hour (or more) of video game time or computer time. And those are on the days when I’m diligent and stick to the schedule. The weekends are a completely different situation; and not in a good way. That’s a lot of plugged in time for little dudes.

So it’s up to me to set the example and it’s hard. I didn’t realize how much I relied on my electronic interfaces.

I check Facebook and Instagram constantly. I hit refresh on my email every few minutes, hoping something new will pop up. I watch my blog stats real time, as if they’re changing so rapidly, while I watch TV. I have new blog posts in my Reader that need to be read and commented on. Then there’s Netflix and Hulu which allow me to watch entire seasons of shows back to back. There’s so much to see.

For my husband, it’s Words with Friends and a plethora of podcasts. We are always wirelessly wired.

Still trying to finish 2009 scrapbooks.

Can you relate? Maybe you have some other social media to keep up with like Twitter or Pinterest or Google Plus or Tumblr or fill in the blank … am I right?

Well, I’ve made a commitment to go on an electronics diet this summer. Notice I put a time limit on this “goal”. I am making an effort to consume a little less TV, video games, phone time, computer time, etc.

To support my diet, I’ve purchased a hardcopy book instead of loading up new fiction to my Kindle. I actually went to the bookstore with the boys and we all picked out new books. I can’t remember the last time I purchased a physical copy of a book.

But when I tell them to unplug and get a book, I can do the same … Life in these gaps of being unplugged is interesting.

I started with 20 minutes … we didn’t know what to do. We looked at each other but not in the eyes for fear we might spontaneously combust. I bit my nails and held my breath. We all watched the timer countdown the minutes. The boys cried, “Why?” at the highest decibels. We were all relieved for the 20 minutes to be over.

I didn’t plan well. It would have gone better if I had organized an activity to fill the time for the first go round … Now I know … I have a list of options they can do independently or as a group. Some are fun and others not so much …

  • Play outside
  • Read a book
  • Scrapbook (we have vacation pictures)
  • Board games (we just started Pokemon trading card game)
  • Chores (we are working on folding laundry)
  • Family conversation

Activities, like these, where they can flex their creative muscles or just relax and unwind from the barrage of information and images that are always coming at us.

It’s important to note that we aren’t “making up” that “lost” 20 minutes in other parts of the day. We’re cutting back.

Slowly I am increasing the time of being turned off and tuned out. And slowly, we are adjusting to being without our gadgets. The boys know that unplugged moments are going to be part of our lives.

It’s getting easier … I’m realistic. I’ll never do away with gadgets in our home. Like I said, we’re junkies. And it’s not a bad thing but moderation is key.

The funny thing? When I pick up my iPhone or open my computer, it’s waiting for me. Patiently waiting for me. I’ve been pinged or notified that something happened. I didn’t miss it. I only delayed it.

Been working on this blanket for way too long. Before my boys were born.

And, being unplugged means I have interesting things to post or share, or so I think, because I took the break to live a little life.

I’ve noticed that my boys, who no longer take naps, are a little less crabby when bedtime rolls around. There is a lot more conversation about characters they’ve made up and stories they want to write or play out as live action. Less is more in terms of gadgets especially as it relates to creativity.

I’ve also noticed that as a Momma, I’m a little less stressed out. I don’t respond to their meltdowns with frustration because I’m not harried or weighted down by being connected like I’m on life support.

So tell me, how do you intentionally unplug? What would you do if you weren’t plugged in? What changes do you notice when you’ve had a break from being connected?

 

 

Filed Under: Opinion, Parenting · Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Jul 11, 2012

Racing Ambulances

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Fire Trucks

Fire Trucks (Photo credit: electrosiren)

We all have pet peeves.

Don’t worry, I won’t list all of mine right now but I have to share this one. Every time it happens it upsets me.

Why don’t people pull to the side of the road when an ambulance or fire truck or police car has its sirens blazing?

I was driving home from work and there was a black SUV weaving in and out of traffic trying to get where ever they were going a little faster. But it wasn’t really working. We arrived at every stoplight at the same time.

Each time I pulled up next to the vehicle or behind it, I laughed inside. Driving fast and cutting folks off wasn’t making a difference in shortening this person’s commute time.

While waiting on the third red light in a row to turn green, I heard the sirens. I didn’t know what direction they were coming from but when the light turned green I stayed put until I knew where the emergency response vehicle was. The black SUV on the other hand (along with a few others) floored it and went through the light.

Where’s the fire? Clearly the driver of the black SUV had some where to be. But is that some where more important than the place our emergency responders needed to be? Probably not.

If my family or friends were in need of such services or I was in need of a fire engine or ambulance or the police I wouldn’t want someone putting their arrival in jeopardy.

Now here’s the interesting thing … after waiting for the fire engine and the ambulance to pull into a local assisted living facility, I proceeded on my journey. Sitting there at the next red light waiting for it to turn green was the same black SUV. They hadn’t gotten any farther along than me by racing ahead of the sirens.

So what’s the point? It didn’t gain the black SUV anything.

Please make the choice if you don’t usually to pull to the side of the road when sirens are coming at you from any direction. If you already follow the rules of the road where this is concerned, I say thank you.

Drive safely!

Filed Under: Opinion, Pet Peeves · Tagged: , , , ,
Jul 9, 2012

“Like Totally” vs. the Like Button

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Like: A Word Between Generations!

I was on my way to work when I had this strange thought. Like Totally vs. Like Button. Like:  One word … two generations … different uses.

The like of my childhood comes from Valley Girl the 1982 song by Frank Zappa.

Valley Girl (film)

“Valley Girl. She’s a Valley Girl. Valley Girl. She’s a Valley Girl. Okay, fine. Fer sure, fer sure. She’s a Valley Girl. And there is no cure. Okay, fine. Fer sure, fer sure. She’s a Valley Girl. And there is no cure … You know me, I’m like into like the clean stuff. Like PAC-MAN and like, I don’t know. Like my mother like makes me do the dishes. It’s like so GROSS. … Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates. And its like, it’s like somebody else’s food, y’know. It’s like GRODY… GRODY TO THE MAX. I’m sure. It’s like really nauseating. Like BARF OUT. GAG ME WITH A SPOON. GROSS. I am SURE. TOTALLY…”

The song later gave way to Valley Girl the movie circa 1983 with Nicholas Cage. It’s like one of my favorite teen flicks from like the 80s. And being from Southern California, I was like totally one of those girls, like for sure. Like were you?The word like was an intentional “um”. It filled the gaps between words. It meant multiple things. It was like way cool. Like totally tubular. And, unfortunately, it took me like years to like work it out of like my vocabulary. Like you know?

There are some similarities to another era gone by e.g. Maynard G. Krebs of the Dobie Gillis TV show or even Shaggy of Scooby Doo.

Some may consider it wasted words. Not useful, just popular culture. For me I look back on this cultural phenomenon with fondness. Like enough reminiscing already.

It still gets used in this way by this generation but it’s less intentional. Their true like comes in a different form.

facebook like button

facebook like button (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

For this generation it’s the like button. The like button is a way of sharing your opinion or showing support and loyalty. It acts as an acknowledgement. It’s the “amen” corner in the church of “you feel me?”

“Like me on Facebook.” Some of you may even choose to like this post. Click to like is an important part of the culture today.

Even my 7 year old (soon to be 8) wants to be a part of it. He knows its importance.

He is in the process of building his birthday gift list. He’s researching possible Power Rangers Samurai toys on Amazon (with my supervision of course). He keeps asking if he can add things to the cart and when we tell him no, he wants to know, “When can I get my own cart?” We all know that answer, “When you get a job.”

But last night he asked me, “Mom, can I click on like for this Bull Zord?” So we had to have the conversation about how the like button works. How he would need his own Facebook page which he’s too young to have. Instead he’s decided he’ll start a blog or website (still too young). I guess that’s one way he can access a like button. Amazing isn’t it?

I wonder if the social media generation will look back on the like button with the same fondness and nostalgia that I have for the age of the valley girl. What do you think? Will the like button just be a phase in our history as valley girl speak has been? I believe it will be around longer.
What a difference a generation makes!

What other words or phrases or attitudes have morphed into something new based on how each generation represents it? I’d love to hear what you come up with.

Like totally have like a great day and like click the like button …

Filed Under: Opinion · Tagged: , , ,
Jul 1, 2012

Practicing Silence

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Solitude is a spiritual discipline. Solitude and silence go hand in hand.

“Without silence there is no solitude. Though silence sometimes involves the absence of speech, it always involves the act of listening. Simply to refrain from talking, without a heart listening to God, is not silence.” ~ Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster

That’s not all. Silence is a powerful communication tool. My husband recommended I end the post here followed only by blank lines, for effect. But I haven’t mastered silence yet, obviously, because I always have something to say. Words bubble up inside of me waiting to pop out of my mouth at any given moment.

I’m one of those people who thinks every conversation is about me. As a writer and avid reader I tend to have random tidbits of information to share or interesting tales to tell in hopes of adding to the flavor of any conversation.

It rarely occurs to me (usually after the interaction is over) that others may not find my tidbits and tales worthy of conversation. Walking away is the point where I realize I did all the talking and the other person was gracious enough not to call me a conversation hog even though I was …

Sorry, just being straight. I can’t help myself. But I am working on it.

When my husband started seminary 4 years ago, I was a little panicked. The pastors’ wives that I knew seemed to have this wonderful ability to know when to share and when to keep quiet. In my case, there are enough incidents of “open mouth, insert foot” that I couldn’t imagine being a pastor’s wife.

As I attempt to figure out what it means to deepen relationships, I find myself biting my lip to hold in the words. I make an effort to just let the other person share and not act on my need to tell my equally (if not more so) amusing story. Better yet, I am working on staying in the moment long enough to hear what the other person has to say instead of thinking about what I will say next or introduce into conversation.

I realize there is a need for relating, connecting, or identifying to deepen relationships. However, if my focus is all about me I will miss the real opportunities to connect.

  • Dramatic Pause
  • Pregnant Pause
  • Pause Expectantly
  • Waiting with Bated Breath

Silence can be a powerful way of expressing emotions ranging from anger and contempt to love and concern. I am learning the power of silence as a key to deepening relationships. Trust me it is hard work; especially for a self-proclaimed talkaholic who used to say, “I like to hear the sound of my own voice.” Okay, maybe I still say that. But I am thankful that my focus is shifting to others for a change.

If you have ways that you make people feel like the most important person in the room or in a conversation please share. This is a quest like none I’ve ever experienced.

Filed Under: Opinion, Personal · Tagged: ,
Jun 27, 2012

We All Have Baggage

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“Cute bag!”

I love hearing that. It always makes me smile. Don’t you love it when someone says it to you?

I make sure I give the same compliment to others when I spy a beautiful bag. Beautiful color. Beautiful style. Perfect size. A cute bag makes me feel special as does the positive attention that may come with it.

Regardless of how cute a bag is, I always wonder what are they carrying in there? I’m completely curious. I know what I carry around. I know what I can’t be without. However, there is this mystery of what’s in the stylish bag of the person standing next to me. There is a sense of intrigue about the designer bag in the hand of the person walking in front of me, or passing me in the hall.

It’s like the Capital One credit card ad campaigns:  What’s in Your Wallet?

Anyway … I want to know what’s in the big and bold or the small and stately bag just as Capital One wants to know what’s in your wallet. Especially if the bag is small because I don’t understand how someone can live in a bag that’s only big enough to hold cash or lipstick.

So what do I tote around in my bag? The usual or what I think that every woman would take with them:

  • Wallet
  • Planner (may need to consult my schedule)
  • Phone (2 of them … one for work and one personal)
  • Make up bag (might need to freshen up)
  • Comb
  • Digital Recorder (inspiration sometimes strikes in places where paper and pen won’t do)
  • Pens (at least 10, maybe more)
  • Stationery (just in case I have time to jot a note)
  • Notebook (because my planner isn’t for everything)
  • Hat (need to be prepared for rain or snow)
  • Vitamins (for continued hair growth)
  • Sunglasses
  • Gum / mints

Okay, I take an “everything but the kitchen sink” approach to bags and that is not all that I carry. Sadly, my handbag is heavier than I’d like to admit. Still, I can’t help but drag these things around with me. Lug may be a better word for it.

Oh and don’t forget about the multiple bag effect either. You know it and have witnessed it:  the person who has a handbag, computer bag, lunch bag, shopping bag, or plastic grocery store bag (pick a combination). As a culture we keep spreading out, building bigger homes to accommodate the amount of stuff we have. Yet, it’s not enough. We feel the need to take it with us where ever we go. We all have baggage.

And now in the age of the man-bag and messenger bags… curiosity increases. What do men need to carry around with them? Their keys and wallets or their phones? An iPad or eReader?

Consider me inquisitive. Call me a busybody but I am dying to know … what’s your baggage?

Filed Under: Fashion, Opinion · Tagged: , ,
Jun 23, 2012

Handwritten Correspondence: Where Have You Gone?

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Pen is courtesy of RECTurnings: http://www.recturnings.etsy.com

We live in a tech savvy culture. We live in a tech dependent world.

I, for one, miss the personal touch of a handwritten note. I miss getting “real” mail like letters, cards, or invitations in the distinctive hand of the sender.

Don’t you wish that when you opened your mailbox that you were buried under an avalanche of personalized handwritten correspondence? Instead we are buried under an avalanche that consists of coupons, bills, advertisements, and solicitations.

Credit card companies have gotten wise to the fact that people want mail that contains even the faintest whisper of personal connection. The most recent “please get our credit card” solicitation I received, looked like a wedding or baby shower invitation; which is the only reason I opened it rather than immediately shredding it.

Right after college I spent a lot of time sending cards and notes to my friends. Back then it was cheaper to put a stamp on an envelope than to call. At least once a week one of my closest friends received a handwritten note from me.

Taking great care in picking the right card or stationery. Writing an outline of the stuff I wanted to share. Why? I don’t know. Selecting the perfect pen based on color, point, type, etc. Print or cursive or a combination.

I loved it. Sitting at my writing desk and spreading everything out. Each letter had to be unique based on the person who would receive it.

My life wasn’t exciting and there wasn’t much to tell but I put a lot of effort into telling the story in the most interesting way. I wrote about work stuff, family things, books and movies. Nothing Earth shattering. I was too busy writing about life to live it.

And if I missed a week, I would get a complimentary phone call stating, “I didn’t get my letter this week. Where is it?”

As a matter of fact I saw one of these friends recently and she said, “I remember when you used to send me letters.”

Keep in mind I didn’t get much handwritten correspondence in return. Sometimes it was okay but sometimes I wanted reciprocity. More than anything though, I was glad that I afforded some of my friends with a moment of joy.

Then life got busy to the point where I had to live it and my letter writing slowed.

Enter the age of “cheap” long distance. I remember getting offers to change services, from 7 cents to 5 cents to 3 cents. It became cheaper to call. One commercial advertised a woman talking about calling her sister to “talk about nothing for hours” because it was so cheap. That’s what my sisters and I did. We’d sit on the phone and watch TV together like we were in the same room.

Following the cheap long distance age came the Hotmail age (dial up and slow connections but quicker than sending a letter by post). Email made correspondence easier and quicker. Then came the cell phone in every hand and texting. Now we live in the age of the SmartPhone with Facetime & Skype as options.

I miss the personal notes, so I started letter writing again. A few years ago in an intentional personal campaign I decided to bring back handwritten correspondence. Trust me when I say the comeback is a slow burn. But I am committed to it.

Imagine my excitement then when PaperMate®   introduced a new pen line called InkJoy™. Part of their mission:  ‘But most of all, we wanted to bring back the joy to writing …” Awesome, right? It’s aligned with one of my personal causes. I still need to decide if the pens bring me as much joy as their mission statement.

Anyway, I’m back at it. Writing letters. Personalizing each note to each person. Buying stationery and note cards that make me smile knowing the person on the receiving end will smile too. Paying the price of stamps and hopefully adding a special life moment for the recipient.

When was the last time someone sent you a personal handwritten note? It’s been too long. When was the last time you sent one? Also, too long.

Join the mission today … I am calling you to arms or rather to hands … sit down and pen a thank you or thinking of you or miss you note. Choose someone you rarely see or talk to. Choose someone you see every day. Put an “I LOVE YOU” in that special someone’s computer bag or handbag or backpack.

I dare you to make someone’s day by contributing to an avalanche of handwritten correspondence. Maybe you’ll be buried under an avalanche too!

Filed Under: Opinion, Personal · Tagged: , , ,
Jun 8, 2012

Accepting Praise & Recognition …

By · 23 Comments

Last week before I left on vacation I was surprised to receive nomination for the Versatile Blogger award. First I must apologize to Jenni of newsoftime.org for taking so long to respond. It’s not because I wasn’t excited. I am truly honored to be recognized by someone whose blog I admire.

Accepting praise and recognition can be difficult; especially without qualifying it with statements like, “Oh you shouldn’t have,” and “I don’t deserve it.” I find myself in that difficult place right now. But I will say thank you without adding a qualifier.

To Jenni of newsoftime.org, I say a special thanks for the kind words and encouragement. Your blog inspires me to stay informed. You share thought provoking topics that are in the news in an engaging way. One day I will find the courage to jump into the discussions. For now, I will continue to hit like.

RULES for The Versatile Blogger Award:

  • If you’re nominated, you’ve been awarded The Versatile Blogger Award.
  • Thank the person who gave you this award including a link to their blog.
  • Select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.
  • Nominate those 15 bloggers for The Versatile Blogger Award – you might include a link to this site.
  • Finally, tell the person who nominated you, 7 things about yourself.

And the nominees are:

Bravo to you all for giving me wonderful things to read.

Seven things about me …

  1. I am a creature of habit and not in a good way.
  2. It’s hard for me to talk about or promote myself, despite the fact that I put my life out there on a blog.
  3. If I could travel any where without worrying about money, I would go to Spain, Greece, Italy, Buenos Aires, and Australia.
  4. This year is about deepening relationships but I am still figuring out what that means.
  5. I am a writer who is working on her skill in hopes that it will one day match my desire.
  6. I am an introvert. My next non-fiction read will be Quiet:  The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.
  7. I love the support and sense of community that exists for bloggers and writers.

Thank you again to Jenni. I consider it a privilege.

Filed Under: Inspiration, Opinion · Tagged: , ,
Jun 4, 2012

Graduation: An Earned Right of Passage and Change Catalyst

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Graduation or Commencement Season is here. We know it by the rocking romantic notes of “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing fame. Or by the coming of age movie marathons that include:  Grease and Say Anything.

No matter what music or movie marks the occasion for us it means the same thing. Graduation represents the end of one stage of our life and the beginning of another.

We say goodbye to something familiar whether it represents good things or not so good things. We say hello to new opportunities and the possibility of something completely different or exactly the same. Which ever we choose.

We face this transition with an odd mix of remorse and anticipation.

I remember the graduations of my siblings and me. Graduation is a memorable event.

When my older sister graduated I was really scared of being left behind. I begged her to stay. To put her plans on hold. To wait for me. At that point in my life all I wanted was out but she made it all bearable for me. I couldn’t imagine life at home without her.

Surprisingly, she did what I asked. She gave up her opportunity to move on in order to assuage the fears of her younger sister who “needed her”.

How did I repay that act of love and selflessness? Two years later when I graduated, I packed up and headed off to the college of my choice. Leaving her behind even if only for a little while.

Within six months I convinced her to move to where I relocated. She lived in the dorm with me that semester because my roommate moved out (having joined a sorority). Then she got a place of her own, a job, and started living life the way she wanted.

I had convinced myself that she had stayed for other reasons. I wanted to believe that it wasn’t about me so that I could move on with my life. I wish that I’d been mature enough, respectful enough, and wise enough to encourage her to go when she first had the chance. I wish I’d come into my own sooner so that I could be an independent woman (like her) and not need her the way that I did. She was always my hero. She still is.

Again, it’s that odd mixture of emotions. With my sister’s graduation it represented loss. Mine represented renewal. I hope one day she can forgive me for being so selfish that I asked her to put her dreams and goals on hold. My sister has taught me a great deal about putting others first. About sacrificing. And for that I will be forever grateful.

Now we are on the eve of her watching her oldest son graduate high school. He is preparing to leave behind his brothers.

I know that she will be the great equalizer for the tension and emotions. I know that she’ll usher her oldest out of the nest while keeping them all connected. She will help her younger sons cope with missing their hero. She will do all these things because we’ve both learned that you have to take care of yourself before you can be any good to anyone else.

Graduation means that things will change. But it doesn’t have to mean that they change for the worst like I initially thought. Everyone has his or her time. For my sister and her family the time has come to embrace the next leg of the life journey.

Congratulations to my nephew for his accomplishment. I am so proud of him. Best wishes to my nephew as he heads down the road. Savor the moment of mixed up emotions.

Much love, much respect and much thanks to my sister for how she has always cared for me. Sister – I love you ALL ways and Always.

Show some love to those who have helped us transition from remorse to excitement!

Congratulations and best wishes 2012 graduates!

 

Filed Under: Education, Inspiration, Opinion · Tagged: ,
Jun 2, 2012

Writing: I Can’t Believe I Wrote This!

By · 11 Comments

Am I bored with my own story? I created the characters, the worlds they live in, and the things they do, but I’ve been stuck at 26,300 words of my novel for about 2 months now.

I’ve been ignoring my manuscript because I am mildly obsessed, okay I can’t lie, I am completely obsessed with blogging. It’s a fun distraction. And, as I’ve said before blogging allows you to write and you have a finished product at the end.

Usually, reading through the words I’ve already written (good, bad, or indifferent), helps me reconnect with the story and find new inspiration. It allows me to rewrite and edit what’s there which can take the story in new directions.

The most recent attempts to read through my own words have found me abandoning the task quickly. Only making it through the first 10-20 pages before I give up and find something else to do.

Writing is an emotional business. It’s a love-hate relationship.

I found great advice in How to Write Science Fiction & Fantasy by Orson Scott Card:

“The Writer’s Image. Writers have to simultaneously believe the following two things:

1. The story I am now working on is the greatest work of genius ever written in English.

2. The story I am now working on is worthless drivel.

It’s best if you believe both these things simultaneously … Of course, believing two contradictory facts at the same time is sometimes referred to as madness – but that, too, can be an asset to a writer.

When I am most unkind to myself about writing, these words (along with those of my loving and supportive husband as well as my writing partners) come to mind and encourage me through the rough patch.

But I find myself riding the pendulum of indecision right now. Swinging between these two extremes of loving my work and hating my work and waiting to be centered and still.

I am riddled with doubt about my skill to bring life to my cast of characters so there is identification with readers (including me). I am gripped with fear by the thought that I will leave behind a great story that needs and wants telling. Yet, I am hopeful for having a renewed energy and sharpened creative skills to finish well even though the break seems to be dragging longer and longer.

Fellow authors, if there is any advice you can give me about picking up where I left off and moving forward, please pass it on.

Because one thing I know to be true:  I haven’t abandoned this story and its characters won’t let me go!

Filed Under: Inspiration, Opinion, Writing · Tagged: , , , , ,
May 24, 2012

DIY: You’re Worth It

By · 8 Comments

 Spring is in the air!

Spring brings beautiful blooms. I love fresh cut flowers for my desk and on my dining room table.

While my husband was in school, it was an indulgence that we couldn’t afford. So I went without for about 3 years; waiting for special occasions to treat myself to bright bouquets. My favorite flower arrangements include sunflowers and red roses because they were my Dad’s favorites.

Thankfully, my husband is done with school and we are in a position to have some “just because flowers”. My sweet husband sent me red roses at work for Valentine’s this year along with a box of gourmet chocolates. Of course I was giddy about it.

But I also believe in doing things for myself. So a couple of times this Spring I’ve treated myself to flowers because I am worth it. I found a long time ago that I can’t expect someone to do for me what I am not willing to do for myself.

Before meeting my husband I worked retail. Invariably, I have met women who would state:  I want this dress or ring or perfume or [insert girly girl dream item here] but I want my boyfriend or husband to buy it for me. On one such occasion the object of desire was a ring:

Me:  Does your boyfriend know the kind of jewelry you like?
Ring-less Woman:  No
Me:  Well do you own any rings, you’re not wearing any today?
Ring-less Woman:  No, I’m waiting for him to get one for me.
Me:  Have you told him you’re waiting on him?
Ring-less Woman:  No.
Me:  Then how will know you like rings if you don’t wear them and you haven’t told him?
Ring-less Woman:  He should know.

Needless to say I didn’t close the sale. If anything I was confused. I couldn’t follow this woman’s logic. She wanted something specific. She had not communicated it. She wasn’t a walking billboard for it. Yet she expected someone else to guess about it. YIKES!

Let me tell you it’s not about the money because at every income level there are options. I’m not advocating that people operate in fiscally irresponsible manner. As a child I improvised:

  • Ring – Tie a piece of yarn around your finger.
  • Perfume – I would put on Tickle Deodorant, (Remember that brand? It was a roll-on that left ugly white marks on your skin but it smelled good and had a cute name.)
  • High Heels – I would step on soda pop cans so that they would form to my feet.
  • Flowers – Dandelions would do in a pinch.

Even in playing dress up I could find substitutes for the things I really wanted until I was able to get the real deal.

I applied that same principle to life when I started working full time. When I met my husband I think I had a ring on each finger. Gold earrings, necklace, and bracelet with my birthstone in it. To round out my jewelry wardrobe I had a gold-plated bangle watch. It was not the one I really wanted because I was eying a Gucci bangle bracelet style watch at the time. But the brand I had was billboard for the dream watch I wanted. Building an outfit started with the shoes and I worked my way up. I had clothes hanging in my closet that still had tags on them (working retail had its advantages).

And when we started dating here’s what I told him (right or wrong):  I don’t need a man that can’t do for me what I do for myself.

I was accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Thankfully, he loved me enough to look past my brash words.

The point is if you are waiting for someone else to get you something stop and think … would they know that you believe you are worth it. Because you are! They should be able to see that about you.

      •  Buy yourself something (within your means)
      • Make yourself something (using what you already have)
      • YOU’RE SOMETHING (fearfully and wonderfully made)!

 

Filed Under: Opinion, Style · Tagged: , , , ,
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