Jul 4, 2012

Melancholy Moment & I Don’t Know Why …

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Do you ever feel like giving up? Or, you feel like you can’t seem to do anything right? Maybe you feel lost and alone? Or maybe you feel conflicted; like you want to follow your heart because you believe it’s the right thing for you instead of listening to your head because it’s practical?

That’s the kind of day I had yesterday. It’s weird because it was a good day. Actually, I had a wonderful week.

After my villain showed up the novel has gained momentum. So much so I was able to start planning the direction of the novel instead of going along for the ride, which is exciting because I haven’t done much preplanning. I wrote new words and drafted an outline.  Yippee. Success.

Every request that came to my desk was addressed or resolved. I won’t return to work after the holiday with issues waiting for me. Well, I’ll have new issues to handle but I left an empty inbox and clear desktop which is rare. Makes me smile.

As far as parenting … I didn’t raise my voice at the boys or blow up. We had dinner and quiet time. I allowed them to resolve their own issues and entertain themselves.

Plus, Wednesdays are family night but thanks to the holiday I’m off from work, so today gets to be Family DAY.  It’s awesome.

Summer is in full bloom. It’s warm and sunny. I can sit outside and get doses of vitamin D.

  • It’s not writer’s block.
  • It’s not job stress.
  • It’s not familial frustration.
  • It’s not bad weather.

Life is good. This state of discontent caught me by surprise. I came home and crawled under the covers to hide from the world for just a little while. Why?

It could be a Dad Day masked as self-doubt and adorned in apathy. It could be fear of failure or success.

Maybe I am suffering from life-is-going-exactly-as-it-should, which means something big and bad is waiting around the corner.

If I follow my heart it could lead me to oblivion. But if I listen to my head I could be on the road to greatness. No matter which path I choose, I refuse to dwell melancholy too long.

I think I’ll buy some flowers to cheer myself up. Maybe I’ll get a new set of pens.

What do you do when you’re faced with melancholy moments? How do you bounce back from times of inner turmoil?

Now my pity party is over.

Filed Under: Personal · Tagged: , ,
Jul 1, 2012

Practicing Silence

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Solitude is a spiritual discipline. Solitude and silence go hand in hand.

“Without silence there is no solitude. Though silence sometimes involves the absence of speech, it always involves the act of listening. Simply to refrain from talking, without a heart listening to God, is not silence.” ~ Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster

That’s not all. Silence is a powerful communication tool. My husband recommended I end the post here followed only by blank lines, for effect. But I haven’t mastered silence yet, obviously, because I always have something to say. Words bubble up inside of me waiting to pop out of my mouth at any given moment.

I’m one of those people who thinks every conversation is about me. As a writer and avid reader I tend to have random tidbits of information to share or interesting tales to tell in hopes of adding to the flavor of any conversation.

It rarely occurs to me (usually after the interaction is over) that others may not find my tidbits and tales worthy of conversation. Walking away is the point where I realize I did all the talking and the other person was gracious enough not to call me a conversation hog even though I was …

Sorry, just being straight. I can’t help myself. But I am working on it.

When my husband started seminary 4 years ago, I was a little panicked. The pastors’ wives that I knew seemed to have this wonderful ability to know when to share and when to keep quiet. In my case, there are enough incidents of “open mouth, insert foot” that I couldn’t imagine being a pastor’s wife.

As I attempt to figure out what it means to deepen relationships, I find myself biting my lip to hold in the words. I make an effort to just let the other person share and not act on my need to tell my equally (if not more so) amusing story. Better yet, I am working on staying in the moment long enough to hear what the other person has to say instead of thinking about what I will say next or introduce into conversation.

I realize there is a need for relating, connecting, or identifying to deepen relationships. However, if my focus is all about me I will miss the real opportunities to connect.

  • Dramatic Pause
  • Pregnant Pause
  • Pause Expectantly
  • Waiting with Bated Breath

Silence can be a powerful way of expressing emotions ranging from anger and contempt to love and concern. I am learning the power of silence as a key to deepening relationships. Trust me it is hard work; especially for a self-proclaimed talkaholic who used to say, “I like to hear the sound of my own voice.” Okay, maybe I still say that. But I am thankful that my focus is shifting to others for a change.

If you have ways that you make people feel like the most important person in the room or in a conversation please share. This is a quest like none I’ve ever experienced.

Filed Under: Opinion, Personal · Tagged: ,
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