Change

I am standing on the precipice. My hair swirls up with the rising breeze. When it settles a few strands remain askew.

Change is in the air. It’s palpable.

Maybe it’s the advent of spring?

Or it could be the fact that so many people in my life are facing significant life changes:

  • Adoption
  • Pregnancy
  • New Jobs

Usually, change lends to fear but is tempered by excitement. Not this time. This sense of coming change isn’t sitting well with me. I can’t place my finger on the reason.

Unsettling
Uneasy
Uncertain
Un-_____________ Fill in the blank with the anxiety inducing adjective.

It’s showing itself in small ways too. Like my picky eater trying new foods. And my youngest has been encouraging my oldest instead of the other way around. Signs of maturing.

These positive changes on the horizon make me happy, and they should. So what’s with this pending sense of doom?

Disquiet
Discomfort
Disconnected
Dis- “something” … I wish I could adequately explain.

Selfishly I am not prepared for how these changes will alter relationships and shift interactions. I am content with life and don’t want to have to reprioritize or be reprioritized.

Realistically, it’s one more thing in my life that I can’t control.

When I first drafted this post it felt incomplete. I was struggling with how to make it feel finished. Then, this weekend I watched the movie, The Vow.

It’s a romantic drama about finding love and the tragedy of losing that love. It’s a strange place to be; standing between the moment of joy and sadness. Bittersweet.

Throughout the movie the male lead narrates the story. He talks about “high impact moments” and how they alter the course of your life.

I am watching high impact moments all around me. And they are altering the course of my life. But I don’t know what to do about it and I definitely don’t know how to feel about it.

Oh well …I still feel like this post is incomplete … and it will stay that way, I guess, until change happens …

So, I stand on the edge waiting for what’s to come. Whether this change will push me over or lift me up remains to be seen.

Tell me your change story … What are you experiencing? How are you feeling about it?

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Comments

  1. I think sometimes when you are facing those “high impact moments” you just need to go with them and try to learn everything you can from them by enjoying them as much as possible. My real job has changed dramatically in the last 6 weeks, absolutely everyday there is a small period of time where I feel completely out of control. When it happens, I go for a walk around the hospital and remind myself that this year will be full of challenges but that I am going to learn so much by taking it on. I have also learned during the past six months that sometimes if I stop trying to control everything, that it’s actually a lot more fun!
    So as you stand at the edge, enjoy the breeze…and the view!
    Cheers,
    Laura

    • Thanks Laura. I am trying to just stay in the moment. Working on crafty projects for gifts to my dear friends. Long drives or quiet time make all the difference for me. I hope your work stress alleviates soon. Wishing you peace.

      • Thanks Gail, it will all be fine. It is a good level of stress, that “I’m only 30 days into a new job” kind of stress. Once I let go of worrying and decided to go with the flow, everything got so much easier and the anxiety levels dropped immensely.
        Cheers,
        Laura

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