Jul 25, 2012

Happy Feet Go to Sleep

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We all have our own quirks. Things that friends and family associate with who we are. Our “isms”.

Sometimes these unique habits or actions are endearing and sometimes they are obnoxious but we can’t separate them from who we are any more than we can change the Earth’s course around the sun.

Here’s one of my ~isms:  In order to go to sleep I still need the sensation of being rocked. I think. Hear me out …

Growing up with siblings has its pros and cons. I am one of four children, one boy and three girls. My brother is the oldest. Then I have an older sister and then a younger sister.

My sisters and I shared a room, which is a really tight fit for three divas with enough attitude to fill a mansion full of rooms.

When we were little (before my baby sister was born) my older sister and I shared a double bed. To unwind at bedtime I would lie with my feet at the head of the bed and my head at the foot. I would put my feet on the wood paneled wall and tap out a beat. Of course, this annoyed my sister. She would tell me, “Knock it off. Put your feet down.”

I couldn’t … this ritual was comforting and soothing for me. I would fidget to empty my mind. And I thought she wasn’t being fair to me just as much as she thought I wasn’t being considerate to her.

To this day I still need to tap out a beat with my feet in order to fall asleep. Instead of putting my feet on the wall though, I rub them together. It’s comforting.

Now as I snuggle up with my dudes for bedtime, my youngest son does the same thing. In those moments the words of my sister fill my head, “I hate when you do that.”

My little guy just can’t get comfortable or settled until he’s effectively wiggled, giggled, rolled, and tossed. But sadly it annoys me to no end.

Last night was one of the worst. He couldn’t find the cool spot on the pillow. He burrowed under the covers to find the right position. Then he would give me the death choke hug around my neck. He also tried to sleep on me like a little cat. Oh and when none of those things worked he had to squeeze my ring finger.

Why is it that we are less tolerant when others exhibit the same behaviors we do?

I remember my sister telling me, “I wish you knew what it felt like to have to share a bed with someone like you.” Now I know.

Sorry Sis for my ticks that kept you up at night. And I’m sorry to my boy because you have the same ~ism. My prayer for you is that you’ll out grow it.

What about you? Care to share an ~ism, positive or annoying? Let me know what your quirks are … remember I’m the curious busybody.

 

Filed Under: ~isms · Tagged: , ,
Jul 23, 2012

Unplugged, Turned Off, and Tuned Out

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Reading for unplugged times.

My family and I are addicted to technology especially my 5 year old who is bored in less than 5 seconds if we make him turn off his 3DS and play with … gasp … a toy.

Our boys get an hour of TV before going to daycare. An hour of TV when they get back from daycare. And, thankfully, they only get TV at daycare for special events tied to curriculum.

Sometimes they get a half hour (or more) of video game time or computer time. And those are on the days when I’m diligent and stick to the schedule. The weekends are a completely different situation; and not in a good way. That’s a lot of plugged in time for little dudes.

So it’s up to me to set the example and it’s hard. I didn’t realize how much I relied on my electronic interfaces.

I check Facebook and Instagram constantly. I hit refresh on my email every few minutes, hoping something new will pop up. I watch my blog stats real time, as if they’re changing so rapidly, while I watch TV. I have new blog posts in my Reader that need to be read and commented on. Then there’s Netflix and Hulu which allow me to watch entire seasons of shows back to back. There’s so much to see.

For my husband, it’s Words with Friends and a plethora of podcasts. We are always wirelessly wired.

Still trying to finish 2009 scrapbooks.

Can you relate? Maybe you have some other social media to keep up with like Twitter or Pinterest or Google Plus or Tumblr or fill in the blank … am I right?

Well, I’ve made a commitment to go on an electronics diet this summer. Notice I put a time limit on this “goal”. I am making an effort to consume a little less TV, video games, phone time, computer time, etc.

To support my diet, I’ve purchased a hardcopy book instead of loading up new fiction to my Kindle. I actually went to the bookstore with the boys and we all picked out new books. I can’t remember the last time I purchased a physical copy of a book.

But when I tell them to unplug and get a book, I can do the same … Life in these gaps of being unplugged is interesting.

I started with 20 minutes … we didn’t know what to do. We looked at each other but not in the eyes for fear we might spontaneously combust. I bit my nails and held my breath. We all watched the timer countdown the minutes. The boys cried, “Why?” at the highest decibels. We were all relieved for the 20 minutes to be over.

I didn’t plan well. It would have gone better if I had organized an activity to fill the time for the first go round … Now I know … I have a list of options they can do independently or as a group. Some are fun and others not so much …

  • Play outside
  • Read a book
  • Scrapbook (we have vacation pictures)
  • Board games (we just started Pokemon trading card game)
  • Chores (we are working on folding laundry)
  • Family conversation

Activities, like these, where they can flex their creative muscles or just relax and unwind from the barrage of information and images that are always coming at us.

It’s important to note that we aren’t “making up” that “lost” 20 minutes in other parts of the day. We’re cutting back.

Slowly I am increasing the time of being turned off and tuned out. And slowly, we are adjusting to being without our gadgets. The boys know that unplugged moments are going to be part of our lives.

It’s getting easier … I’m realistic. I’ll never do away with gadgets in our home. Like I said, we’re junkies. And it’s not a bad thing but moderation is key.

The funny thing? When I pick up my iPhone or open my computer, it’s waiting for me. Patiently waiting for me. I’ve been pinged or notified that something happened. I didn’t miss it. I only delayed it.

Been working on this blanket for way too long. Before my boys were born.

And, being unplugged means I have interesting things to post or share, or so I think, because I took the break to live a little life.

I’ve noticed that my boys, who no longer take naps, are a little less crabby when bedtime rolls around. There is a lot more conversation about characters they’ve made up and stories they want to write or play out as live action. Less is more in terms of gadgets especially as it relates to creativity.

I’ve also noticed that as a Momma, I’m a little less stressed out. I don’t respond to their meltdowns with frustration because I’m not harried or weighted down by being connected like I’m on life support.

So tell me, how do you intentionally unplug? What would you do if you weren’t plugged in? What changes do you notice when you’ve had a break from being connected?

 

 

Filed Under: Opinion, Parenting · Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Jul 21, 2012

An Optimist, a Pessimist, and a Realist Walk into a Bar …

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The Optimist says, “Bartender, give me a double. I’m having a great day.”
The Pessimist says, “Bartender, make mine a double. I’m having an awful day.”
The Realist says, “Bartender, I’ll take a double. I …”

OH! Wait! This isn’t a joke. This is the condition of my life. My creative life. Specifically, my writing life. (Clearly I’m not a comedienne.)

The Optimist and the Pessimist are at war inside of me.

When I sat down earlier this week to write, I was upbeat, encouraged, and maybe a little over the top. Syrupy. As the week wore on I understood the struggle within. I could feel the doubt swell and expand in my chest as the Pessimist attempted to escape.

Doubt came in the form of distractions. I found myself looking for things to do other than working on my novel. Sure I wrote. Letters I’ve been putting off. Thank you cards so they would be timely. Blog posts for future dates; lined up and ready to go. I also felt the call of the TV and housework (which I hate) and new fiction to read. Anything other than sitting down to write the novel.

That’s when I knew that I wasn’t being real, not even with myself, about where I am in the writing process.

The Pessimist’s POV

Frowny

Frowny (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Pessimist says, “You can’t. You won’t. Why bother?”

She looks at my triumphs, my attempts; and laughs at my naïveté. Not a sweet laugh that says you’re-adorably-clueless. It’s a harsh edgy laugh that says what-are-you-thinking?

She’s not very nice to me or to anyone else for that matter. She prefers to be alone wallowing in what she considers an obvious delusion of success. She thinks she’s doing me a favor by criticizing my dream and my ability (or what she would call “lack of ability”).

The Pessimist says, “You’re not as good as so-and-so.” She tells me that progress is slow. She says I-told-you-so often. She makes me feel small.

She claims to see my writing world for what it is:  A Farce.

Smile! Welcome Back =]

Smile! Welcome Back =] (Photo credit: blentley)

The Optimist’s Outlook

The Optimist says, “You can. You will. Why not? Don’t listen to her.” And I want to believe her. She smiles a lot and whispers encouraging words.

She paints pictures of my success. She says, “Imagine being a sought after author or making the best sellers’ list.” She tells me I’m right on track. She lifts me up.

The Optimist says, “You’re as good, if not better than, what’s-her-name.”

She says to anyone who will listen:  see-this-woman-right-here-she’s-a-writer. She praises me for sticking with it. She rewards me with words of kindness. I like the Optimist.

She tells me to hold my head high and claim my writing for what it is:  A Gift.

Exactly the Same and Completely Different

Are you with me? Can you relate to my creative struggle? Whether you’re a painter or wordsmith or photographer or a creative in general, we are all faced with this internal battle.

Two opposing beliefs waging war and wreaking havoc on our confidence … Maybe you name the warring factions differently:  inner cheerleader and skeptic; critic and dreamer; naysayer and yes-man; or the voices in my head.

The war is always going on.

Both the Optimist and the Pessimist want the same thing:  to be in charge. But only one can rule the body and mind at any given time.

I argue that they are the same … Their differences limited to their perspectives; their approaches.

The Pessimist believes she’s being honest with me; telling me what I need to hear. The Optimist knows she’s selling me hope; telling me what I want to hear.

They’re both liars … so accept the fundamental truths they offer and move on. If the Pessimist says, “You can’t link two phrases together,” and the Optimist says, “You’re the best writer in the world,” know that the truth lies some where in between.

Neither one wants to do the hard work of writing. The Optimist is content to visualize the result. The Pessimist dismisses the possibilities.

The Realist Within

What’s the what?

The Pessimist + The Optimist = The Realist

Both the Optimist and the Pessimist live within me. I realize I need them both. True art and creation come from adversity, friction, conflict. Right?

The Pessimist keeps me grounded (sometimes buried). She reminds me to consider what can’t be. The Optimist is the one who dares to believe (sometimes blindly). She reminds me of what can be.

Their fight for control is my creative friction.

Finding balance between the Optimist and the Pessimist is where I need to be in the writing process.

Now I see that together, they give way to the Realist. The Realist sees what the Pessimist misses through negativity and the Optimist overlooks with positivity. The Realist is the negotiator.

She defines my writing as no one else can:  A Complicated Joy.

The War Within will come to end … we will come to a peace agreement … that is until the next time.

Filed Under: Writing · Tagged: , , , ,
Jul 17, 2012

The Secret Language of Friendship

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My focus this year is to move relationships from superficial to deep and meaningful. There are people who I’ve been meaning schedule time with and we pass each other and say, “We need to get together.” It still hasn’t happened yet.

As I consider, how to move in this direction I’ve taken a look at the relationships I have that are already deep and meaningful. I realized that when you reach that point something happens …

Do you and your friends have your own language? Things that you say to one another but no one else understands? Anyone overhearing your conversation would require a translator for this special language you share.

We all have a secret, encrypted lingo we use in certain relationships; a dialect that is used in specific circles.

I can walk up to my girlfriend and say, “Yeah Keith, I do” or “Four and five.” She knows exactly what I mean. I don’t have to say anything else. But anyone listening would wonder, “What was that about?”

It’s part of our language and it means something to just us. Our glossary of phrases is mostly made up of movie lines that we have quoted so frequently, that they’ve taken on a whole new meaning. They’ve become part of our relational lexicon.

Please understand why I won’t be sharing the phrases and meanings in detail. You wouldn’t want me to know your secret code either, right? Unless you feel compelled to share, please do so in the comments …

Mad About You

Mad About You (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m reminded of an episode of the 90’s show, Mad About You,where Paul & Jamie Buchman go to a party. Paul tells a stranger about how he and his wife have a signal for:  Come-rescue-me-because-this-person-I’m-talking-to-is-really-boring. Then Jamie ends up in a conversation with the same stranger and uses “the sign”. You can imagine the repercussions, right? The boring conversationalist was someone who could have helped Paul in his career. Not good.

We all do it. We deepen relationships with shared experiences. We build on what we have in common. We create a bubble of personal connection with our friends and family. We use phrases like: “It’s an inside joke,” or “You had to be there.”

My girlfriends and I run our movie lines whenever we get together for SGT or Sista Girl Time which you may call Girls Night Out or GNO. We laugh like wild women over our own silliness. It’s awesome. It’s our Sista Girl language. It creates a sense of belonging together.

Special languages are not meant to exclude but unfortunately they can. They are signs of strengthened bonds. I have unique vocabulary in a lot of relationships:  with my boys, my husband, my sisters, and friends in many circles. The real trick is to find ways to deepen relationships with those who may feel left out or on the fringes.

I’ve arrived at depth with some people but I have a lot to learn about intentionally reaching this level with others. How can I make languages emerge with new friends? How do you move relationships from the superficial to genuine and close-knit? Any suggestions, please share.

Filed Under: Personal · Tagged: , , ,
Jul 14, 2012

Expressions of Love: A Gratitude Journal

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My husband of 12 years is handsome and smart. He’s geek chic. A software engineer in his first career and a man of the cloth in his second. He has gorgeous eyes that I still can’t decide if they are brown, green, or hazel. He has an infectious laugh and a heart-warming smile. He is hard working and cares for his family. For these reasons and many more I love him. That love grows with each year that passes. He is the perfect man for me.

In the midst of living life, sometimes I forget to tell him or show him just how much I love him. But then this opportunity presented itself.

As part of my job I read books about leadership, entrepreneurialism, and motivation. I read these books with two purposes:  fulfill my job requirements and mine for gold. Each book needs to yield at least one golden nugget of information or insight that I can apply in my life.

August of 2011, I had to read The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. In the book the author challenges a friend to spend a year writing down at least one thing each day that he loved or appreciated about his wife. Hardy had done the same for his wife as a gift for Thanksgiving. A gift of gratitude and expression of love. That was my golden nugget.

I decided to take the challenge. It wasn’t easy because on days when I was frustrated or angry or just tired, I couldn’t write a journal entry. Plus the instructions state that you shouldn’t repeat something you’ve already written about … characteristics, tasks, and actions, should only receive one entry.

But the journal became a journey of understanding the impact gratitude can have on our lives. Remembering that what we focus on is what we are surrounded by.

Starting every entry with “Thank you for …” grew tiring. It got stale and boring. I didn’t want this gift to be described with such adjectives. I invested time in finding quotes and poems and phrases to include in the journal.

The more I searched and the more I wrote, I found that it made me talk to my husband differently within the moment. Life was no longer getting in the way of me saying, “Thank you,” and “I appreciate you.” I was thinking about being thankful beyond having something to write down for him to read a year later.

On his birthday yesterday I gave him this gift. Hopefully, it’s a gift that keeps giving. A keepsake of my love for him, written in my own hand. A gift he didn’t know I was creating for him as he watched me journal night after night. Sitting next to me in bed he watched without knowing I was writing about him or for him.

It was worth it to hear his reaction, “It’s the best birthday gift anyone’s ever given me.”

Will you take this challenge? Maybe a short one … between now and Thanksgiving or Christmas? Take the time today and every day to express your love to that special someone. Or, may be you already have. If so, share how the gift was received.

Filed Under: Personal · Tagged: , , , ,
Jul 11, 2012

Racing Ambulances

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Fire Trucks

Fire Trucks (Photo credit: electrosiren)

We all have pet peeves.

Don’t worry, I won’t list all of mine right now but I have to share this one. Every time it happens it upsets me.

Why don’t people pull to the side of the road when an ambulance or fire truck or police car has its sirens blazing?

I was driving home from work and there was a black SUV weaving in and out of traffic trying to get where ever they were going a little faster. But it wasn’t really working. We arrived at every stoplight at the same time.

Each time I pulled up next to the vehicle or behind it, I laughed inside. Driving fast and cutting folks off wasn’t making a difference in shortening this person’s commute time.

While waiting on the third red light in a row to turn green, I heard the sirens. I didn’t know what direction they were coming from but when the light turned green I stayed put until I knew where the emergency response vehicle was. The black SUV on the other hand (along with a few others) floored it and went through the light.

Where’s the fire? Clearly the driver of the black SUV had some where to be. But is that some where more important than the place our emergency responders needed to be? Probably not.

If my family or friends were in need of such services or I was in need of a fire engine or ambulance or the police I wouldn’t want someone putting their arrival in jeopardy.

Now here’s the interesting thing … after waiting for the fire engine and the ambulance to pull into a local assisted living facility, I proceeded on my journey. Sitting there at the next red light waiting for it to turn green was the same black SUV. They hadn’t gotten any farther along than me by racing ahead of the sirens.

So what’s the point? It didn’t gain the black SUV anything.

Please make the choice if you don’t usually to pull to the side of the road when sirens are coming at you from any direction. If you already follow the rules of the road where this is concerned, I say thank you.

Drive safely!

Filed Under: Opinion, Pet Peeves · Tagged: , , , ,
Jul 9, 2012

“Like Totally” vs. the Like Button

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Like: A Word Between Generations!

I was on my way to work when I had this strange thought. Like Totally vs. Like Button. Like:  One word … two generations … different uses.

The like of my childhood comes from Valley Girl the 1982 song by Frank Zappa.

Valley Girl (film)

“Valley Girl. She’s a Valley Girl. Valley Girl. She’s a Valley Girl. Okay, fine. Fer sure, fer sure. She’s a Valley Girl. And there is no cure. Okay, fine. Fer sure, fer sure. She’s a Valley Girl. And there is no cure … You know me, I’m like into like the clean stuff. Like PAC-MAN and like, I don’t know. Like my mother like makes me do the dishes. It’s like so GROSS. … Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates. And its like, it’s like somebody else’s food, y’know. It’s like GRODY… GRODY TO THE MAX. I’m sure. It’s like really nauseating. Like BARF OUT. GAG ME WITH A SPOON. GROSS. I am SURE. TOTALLY…”

The song later gave way to Valley Girl the movie circa 1983 with Nicholas Cage. It’s like one of my favorite teen flicks from like the 80s. And being from Southern California, I was like totally one of those girls, like for sure. Like were you?The word like was an intentional “um”. It filled the gaps between words. It meant multiple things. It was like way cool. Like totally tubular. And, unfortunately, it took me like years to like work it out of like my vocabulary. Like you know?

There are some similarities to another era gone by e.g. Maynard G. Krebs of the Dobie Gillis TV show or even Shaggy of Scooby Doo.

Some may consider it wasted words. Not useful, just popular culture. For me I look back on this cultural phenomenon with fondness. Like enough reminiscing already.

It still gets used in this way by this generation but it’s less intentional. Their true like comes in a different form.

facebook like button

facebook like button (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

For this generation it’s the like button. The like button is a way of sharing your opinion or showing support and loyalty. It acts as an acknowledgement. It’s the “amen” corner in the church of “you feel me?”

“Like me on Facebook.” Some of you may even choose to like this post. Click to like is an important part of the culture today.

Even my 7 year old (soon to be 8) wants to be a part of it. He knows its importance.

He is in the process of building his birthday gift list. He’s researching possible Power Rangers Samurai toys on Amazon (with my supervision of course). He keeps asking if he can add things to the cart and when we tell him no, he wants to know, “When can I get my own cart?” We all know that answer, “When you get a job.”

But last night he asked me, “Mom, can I click on like for this Bull Zord?” So we had to have the conversation about how the like button works. How he would need his own Facebook page which he’s too young to have. Instead he’s decided he’ll start a blog or website (still too young). I guess that’s one way he can access a like button. Amazing isn’t it?

I wonder if the social media generation will look back on the like button with the same fondness and nostalgia that I have for the age of the valley girl. What do you think? Will the like button just be a phase in our history as valley girl speak has been? I believe it will be around longer.
What a difference a generation makes!

What other words or phrases or attitudes have morphed into something new based on how each generation represents it? I’d love to hear what you come up with.

Like totally have like a great day and like click the like button …

Filed Under: Opinion · Tagged: , , ,
Jul 5, 2012

Writing: Failing Forward

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“I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” ~ Benjamin Franklin 

I failed to complete my writing goals for this week. They weren’t overwhelming or outside of my grasp.

I committed to my writing partner that I would:

  1. Finish a scene that is labeled Back-to-School Blues.
  2. Continue working on scenes that are labeled Counselor Visits.
  3. Jot 1500 words by doing the first two bullets.

Not one was accomplished. But it’s okay, because my failure this week gave way to success in a different area of the writing process.

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Things are starting to fall into place. I finally know where my story begins and where it will end because I have my villain. My characters can move forward with purpose.

Knowing their purpose allowed me to do something that I haven’t been able to do since I made the decision to sit down and write. I was able to plan.

I spent my writing time this week planning out the story. For the sections I already have written, I was able to determine the order they should go. I created an outline and started moving scenes around in Scrivener. I know changes that need to happen within most of the scenes for them to connect within this order.

I was able to see what’s missing. I identified scenes that I need to write for the story to make sense and move from the beginning to the end. I can see where I’m going.

“Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.” ~ Zig Ziglar

Isn’t that exciting? To have direction when I was wandering aimlessly before waiting for the story to start? To have answers to questions that have been with me since I started?

I am just over 30,000 words and now I feel like it will flow easily because I have a plan. A short term plan because something could happen during my next writing time that could change everything.

Or maybe I just need a plan so I can not follow it and feel like I’m breaking the rules. You never know. But I am optimistic.

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”  ~Truman Capote

I am so thankful that I failed this week. I am glad that I fell short in my writing. I have a sense of accomplishment that I wasn’t expecting. I’ve learned quite a bit about what it will take to finish this novel.

I dare you to fail forward in your writing. Know that it’s okay when things don’t go according to plan; when the plan reveals itself differently. Remember, you’ll end up exactly where you’re supposed to when you’re supposed to …

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal:  it is the courage to continue that counts.” ~ Winston Churchill

Now I am off to my accountability call to tell my writing partner the great news:  I failed!

Filed Under: Writing · Tagged: , , , , ,
Jul 4, 2012

Melancholy Moment & I Don’t Know Why …

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Do you ever feel like giving up? Or, you feel like you can’t seem to do anything right? Maybe you feel lost and alone? Or maybe you feel conflicted; like you want to follow your heart because you believe it’s the right thing for you instead of listening to your head because it’s practical?

That’s the kind of day I had yesterday. It’s weird because it was a good day. Actually, I had a wonderful week.

After my villain showed up the novel has gained momentum. So much so I was able to start planning the direction of the novel instead of going along for the ride, which is exciting because I haven’t done much preplanning. I wrote new words and drafted an outline.  Yippee. Success.

Every request that came to my desk was addressed or resolved. I won’t return to work after the holiday with issues waiting for me. Well, I’ll have new issues to handle but I left an empty inbox and clear desktop which is rare. Makes me smile.

As far as parenting … I didn’t raise my voice at the boys or blow up. We had dinner and quiet time. I allowed them to resolve their own issues and entertain themselves.

Plus, Wednesdays are family night but thanks to the holiday I’m off from work, so today gets to be Family DAY.  It’s awesome.

Summer is in full bloom. It’s warm and sunny. I can sit outside and get doses of vitamin D.

  • It’s not writer’s block.
  • It’s not job stress.
  • It’s not familial frustration.
  • It’s not bad weather.

Life is good. This state of discontent caught me by surprise. I came home and crawled under the covers to hide from the world for just a little while. Why?

It could be a Dad Day masked as self-doubt and adorned in apathy. It could be fear of failure or success.

Maybe I am suffering from life-is-going-exactly-as-it-should, which means something big and bad is waiting around the corner.

If I follow my heart it could lead me to oblivion. But if I listen to my head I could be on the road to greatness. No matter which path I choose, I refuse to dwell melancholy too long.

I think I’ll buy some flowers to cheer myself up. Maybe I’ll get a new set of pens.

What do you do when you’re faced with melancholy moments? How do you bounce back from times of inner turmoil?

Now my pity party is over.

Filed Under: Personal · Tagged: , ,
Jul 1, 2012

Practicing Silence

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Solitude is a spiritual discipline. Solitude and silence go hand in hand.

“Without silence there is no solitude. Though silence sometimes involves the absence of speech, it always involves the act of listening. Simply to refrain from talking, without a heart listening to God, is not silence.” ~ Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster

That’s not all. Silence is a powerful communication tool. My husband recommended I end the post here followed only by blank lines, for effect. But I haven’t mastered silence yet, obviously, because I always have something to say. Words bubble up inside of me waiting to pop out of my mouth at any given moment.

I’m one of those people who thinks every conversation is about me. As a writer and avid reader I tend to have random tidbits of information to share or interesting tales to tell in hopes of adding to the flavor of any conversation.

It rarely occurs to me (usually after the interaction is over) that others may not find my tidbits and tales worthy of conversation. Walking away is the point where I realize I did all the talking and the other person was gracious enough not to call me a conversation hog even though I was …

Sorry, just being straight. I can’t help myself. But I am working on it.

When my husband started seminary 4 years ago, I was a little panicked. The pastors’ wives that I knew seemed to have this wonderful ability to know when to share and when to keep quiet. In my case, there are enough incidents of “open mouth, insert foot” that I couldn’t imagine being a pastor’s wife.

As I attempt to figure out what it means to deepen relationships, I find myself biting my lip to hold in the words. I make an effort to just let the other person share and not act on my need to tell my equally (if not more so) amusing story. Better yet, I am working on staying in the moment long enough to hear what the other person has to say instead of thinking about what I will say next or introduce into conversation.

I realize there is a need for relating, connecting, or identifying to deepen relationships. However, if my focus is all about me I will miss the real opportunities to connect.

  • Dramatic Pause
  • Pregnant Pause
  • Pause Expectantly
  • Waiting with Bated Breath

Silence can be a powerful way of expressing emotions ranging from anger and contempt to love and concern. I am learning the power of silence as a key to deepening relationships. Trust me it is hard work; especially for a self-proclaimed talkaholic who used to say, “I like to hear the sound of my own voice.” Okay, maybe I still say that. But I am thankful that my focus is shifting to others for a change.

If you have ways that you make people feel like the most important person in the room or in a conversation please share. This is a quest like none I’ve ever experienced.

Filed Under: Opinion, Personal · Tagged: ,
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