Aug 24, 2012

… They Fall in Love …

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My rings including my anniversary band …

On my journey to meeting Mr. Right, I often wondered how I would know who I should spend the rest of my life with.

When I was working retail, I met lots of women who were buying new clothes for their honeymoon or engagement party or rehearsal dinner. These women were so “in love”. You could tell by the way they talked about their intendeds.

What a great pool of test subjects? I would ask these women how they knew that this person was the person they should marry.

At this point, they would get that look. You know the one … Eyes roll heavenward … hand falls on bosom some where near the heart … smile goes lopsided … their breath catches in their throat … they check out for just a moment.

Then they would remember that you’d asked them a question; that you were still standing there, eyes wide, head tilted to the side waiting for an answer.

“I just knew. You know?”

It never failed. This was ALWAYS the response. Always. And I have to say, I hated it! I wanted to understand. I wanted to know the “how”. I needed to know so that I wouldn’t make a mistake when it came my turn to choose a life partner.

They would usually tell me the moment they knew. Like:  “I got on the train to go home and realized …” Or, “I was sitting on my deck having a cup of coffee …”

I would say, “Yeah, but how did you know?”
“I don’t know. I just knew.”

How annoying! As a person who is ruled by her emotions you would think this answer would be reassuring, even appealing to me. But it wasn’t because too much was on the line. My forever was at stake.

So enter my hubby to be … We attended my girlfriend’s wedding (remember I needed a date) and when the weekend came to an end, he drove me to the train station. I found a seat on the train. Waved until he was out of sight. Then was immediately plagued by nausea and regret. A series of thoughts running through my muddled head:

  • Why am I on this train?
  • Do I really need to go to work tomorrow?
  • Do I really need a job?
  • Why am I leaving him here?

That was the moment I knew he was the one. That was the moment I understood the, “I Just Knew” response.

Two months after meeting him, my forever fell into place because I’d fallen in love. It reminds me of the movie Father of the Bride when she says, “I met a man in Rome and we’re getting married.” And Steve Martin’s character hears the words like they are coming out of the mouth of a 7 year old.

Two months after that realization, I quit my job, packed up and followed him across country. My family was a little concerned because this was drastic for me. Chasing after a man?

No promises were made (yet), he’d talked about having a surprise for me. I decided we would play 20 questions … “Is it bigger than a bread box?” He said, “It’s bigger than a tree.”

It didn’t matter what the surprise was … giving up my career at the time and leaving my family behind all seemed like it was worth the risk. And it was.

The engagement ring in it’d talking box …

When I got off the plane he helped me load my luggage in the trunk. I peered inside expecting to see a beautifully wrapped package the size of a small tree. But there wasn’t a gift in the trunk. The gift was the promise to love me for all time. A gift that’s bigger than anything you can imagine. Wrapped in the smallest package:  a ring box, containing an engagement ring. He proposed.

Two years later we were married in a planned elopement. Our families and friends met us in Las Vegas for a ceremony at the Chapel of the Bells. Followed by a reception dinner at the Rio Hotel & Casino buffet.

I am so thankful; I didn’t have to question my decisions. I followed my feeling of “I just knew” and getting to the feeling of “he’s the one for me.”

Fourteen years of love …

Filed Under: Personal · Tagged: , ,
Aug 23, 2012

Boy Meets Girl …

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When Harry Met Sally...

When Harry Met Sally… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The “Meet Cute” is a Hollywood filmmakers’ term. Urbandictionary.com defines it like this:

“Scenario in which two individuals are brought together in some unlikely, zany, destined-to-fall-in-love-and-be-together-forever sort of way (the more unusual, the better). The way the characters meet in “Serendipity” or “When Harry Met Sally” or at least half the romantic comedies out there.”

That about sums it up.

And I love those moments. I get to experience the trials of romance without having to live through them. Which is what great storytelling is, right?

For a romantic like me it gives me a chance to “fall in love” over and over again.

But did you know that the “Meet Cute” can happen in real life and not just in films or books?

The year was 1998 and I was tired of being perpetually single. Of my friends, I was always the single one. It needed to end.

I was ready for a real relationship. Something that lasted longer than it’s-so-new-and-wonderful three month period. I was determined to not spend another Valentine’s Day alone or as a first date vehicle. I wanted someone to spend my birthdays with and take home on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

It’s the year I talked to God a lot about what I was looking for. I even wrote down on pretty stationery the characteristics I was looking for in a man, so I wouldn’t forget what I asked for. I kept my wish list in the back of my planner.

I knew I had to be open to possibilities that my usually particular self would automatically dismiss. And when my girlfriend from college invited me to a weekend long wedding shower event, I knew it was my chance.

My mantra every day leading up to the event was, “I will meet a man this weekend.” While working or running errands, I would play this in my self talk player. Silly, right?

The weekend of the shower I hopped on the train to San Diego … ready to spend time with my friends and finally find a man.

The bride to be took us dancing in the Gaslamp District. I danced with every guy that asked me. Even the guy whose pick up line was, “You know, the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.” Really?

I gave my number to the guy who offered me his. Call me old-fashioned but I wanted to be pursued. I’m sure he pitched my number after I walked away. I never heard from him that’s for sure.

I smiled and nodded; joked and laughed; my way through a number of interactions. It was great fun because I wasn’t running anyone through my filter. I was just being open.

But when Sunday came and I needed to catch the train home, I was sad. I’d met a number of people but none of them had the potential to be “the one”. I was exhausted from being open.

So when my sister said her husband was bringing a friend home for lunch, I wasn’t fazed. I’d already given up hope. When she said, “Don’t you want to comb your hair and put on some lipstick or something?” I thought sure why not.

My brother-in-law walked in with a guy in glasses. We were introduced. I said hi and so did he. And then I left to get on the train.

I called my sister to let her know I arrived home safely. She informed me that her husband’s friend told her husband, “Man, she was cute.”

Wow! I hadn’t expected that. We’d said barely two words to one another.

With my girlfriend’s wedding just around the corner here was my opportunity. I told my sister, “If he thought I was cute, give him my number and let him know I need a date for a wedding.”

Yeah, leap of faith. I’d given permission for him to call me. LOL. (I know I have issues.)

A week went by and nothing. I called my sister, “He didn’t think I was that cute.” Not that I should have hinged my hopes on this guy. An hour later he called and we talked for almost 2 hours.

He agreed to be my date for the wedding. And we decided we should squeeze in a couple of dates before than, thanks to my sister’s recommendation, just in case we didn’t like each other. I even have pictures of the first date.

Who knew that I’d meet the man I was going to marry in the last minutes on the last day of a crazy scheme I had to find a date for a wedding? Those few moments were just the beginning of our story.

We joke now, 14 years later, about how I did meet a man that weekend. I just didn’t realize he was THE man. And of course my husband tells the story differently … I asked him out?

Consider me thankful for the “Meet Cute” God gave me despite my approach and persnickety personality. Thanks also to my sister who could see what I couldn’t see at the time.

What’s your favorite “how the met story”? Real life or from the movies, it doesn’t matter.

Filed Under: Personal · Tagged: ,
Aug 18, 2012

Reading to My Children, Books They Love to Pieces …

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My husband and I have been reading to our children since the womb. We would crawl into bed and choose from a stack of rhyming books to read my rounded tummy.

When my husband read he could usually illicit movement as a response, a kick or punch. Sometimes there would be a somersault or full body stretch.  One of the things I loved most about pregnancy.

Our oldest son, at birth would try to turn toward my husband’s voice because he knew it so well. It was amazing to see a swaddled baby turn his head in the direction of his Daddy’s voice.

We received a copy of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom as a baby shower gift. A sing song story about the alphabet which I still have memorized to this day. Its bright colored pages took us from womb to tummy time. We would prop it up in front of him while he lay on his tummy. I would read it to him while he played in his bouncy seat.

As a toddler the book went with him everywhere as a constant companion; it was always under his arm. He carried it to and from the sitters. We eventually had to buy a copy to keep at her place. He carried it to Grandma’s house. He held on his lap during car rides. We had to read it every night at bedtime. This is how he learned his alphabet.

Here’s his third (well worn-well read) copy:

We had to buy our youngest son his own copy to destroy. And since we’d changed sitters we had to buy a new copy for her daycare library. So we’ve paid retail for this book at least 6 times, I’ve lost count. Crazy? No.

Reading to our boys is a joy, not just for them but for us as well. They still find comfort in hearing the sound of our voices as we experience new or favorite stories together. It’s humbling really.

It’s not just reading the words but finding ways to make the words come alive for them. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom is more fun if it’s read (or recited in my case) with drama. Reading out loud is like performance art (think Russell Simmons Presents Def Poetry Jam). Reading is NOT boring and I want my boys to understand that. When my oldest says, “I can see it playing like a movie in my head,” I know we’ve done our best by the author’s words.

Transitioning from rhyming books to picture books and now chapter books has been a wonderful journey. Watching my oldest read to my youngest fills me with a sense of pride and peace.

Here’s what on their bookshelf right now …

I love it when they laugh at the funny parts. I am thankful when they are empathetic to characters’ embarrassments, disappointments, and triumphs. Their comprehension is evident when I hear them tell the storyline to others.

We are reading, The Genius Files:  Mission Unstoppable, which I feel is too mature for them. But it just means we can have conversation to unlock the mystery of what they don’t know.

No matter what … my boys understand that words have power. And they love a good story. They know good stories are meant to be shared through voices of love.

What about you? … What are the books from your childhood that fell apart because you read them so much? Is there a book that you always have a copy of on your bookshelf?

Filed Under: Books, Parenting · Tagged: , ,
Aug 14, 2012

Inspiring? Who Me?

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Let me say a special thank you to my blogger friend Zen of zenscribbles who graciously nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Zen is a writer and a foodie (usually desserts). She tells quirky stories which keep life interesting. Please take a moment to visit her blog.

Accepting the nomination includes the following:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Post the award some where on your blog
  • Tell 7 things about yourself
  • Nominate 7 blogs

So onto the hardest part … 7 things about me … that I haven’t already told you:

  1. I squint a lot. Not because I can’t see but because I’m thinking. Squinting makes me think of the TV show Bones in which they call the super smart people who work at the Jeffersonian “squints”. Oh not to imply that I think that I am super smart.
  2. I am obsessed with using imdb.com. I can’t watch anything without looking up the entire cast. It shouldn’t matter but I just need to see who they are and what they’ve done before.
  3. My husband says I snore but I deny it (vehemently) even though I’ve woken myself out of sound sleep before. (Please don’t tell my husband I said that. He’ll consider it an admission of guilt.)
  4. I am a horrid housekeeper, decent cook, and SUPER wife and mother. Well maybe SUPER is an exaggeration so I’ll go with super.
  5. I can read in the car and feel sorry for people who get motion sickness when they try to do it.
  6. I got my driver’s license late in life (I was 20) and I barely passed. Why do you need to know how to parallel park? Anyway, I think my driving is indicative of the “barely”. Oh but I wasn’t driving during the Chicago fender bender (just saying).
  7. My kids have started asking for cereal for dinner. And I don’t have a defense to say no since it’s usually my dinner choice. Did I claim “super” mom-ness? Oh well.

Forgive me for the short list of nominees …

Thanks again Zen!

Filed Under: Inspiration · Tagged: , , , ,
Aug 12, 2012

Postcards from Chicago: The Comic Con Event I Missed

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Chicago Skyline 2008

Chicago Skyline 2008 (Photo credit: TomC)

We’ve been planning this trip since last year when my husband took my oldest on a “Daddy & Me” date to Comic Con 2011 in Chicago.

They had so much fun we though it would be a great 2012 family getaway. You know, one last hoorah before school starts. One last weekend road trip to bid farewell to summer. But it didn’t happen the way I envisioned, the way we talked about it.

Why?

Well first off, it was a gray cold rainy day. And then there was the fender bender with a black SUV. Maybe it’s payback for a certain post relative to a black SUV.  But I don’t believe in karma. Or maybe it was the mix up with our room reservation where they only had single king beds left when we reserved a two bedroom.

Maybe I’ve mentioned before that my youngest is petrified of people in costume? I believe I briefly talked about an incident with Ms. Green M&M at the M&M store in Las Vegas?

And the very heart of Comic Con … the fun of it … is seeing the fans and enthusiasts dressed as their favorite characters. But for my littlest dude it would wreak havoc on his fragile psyche… it would be a fear filled emotional experience. Forcing him to attend would equate to zero enjoyment for the family.

So we decided that Comic Con 2012 would remain a “Daddy & Me” date for my husband and oldest son. However, we will all traverse to The Windy City together.

Dare I say I am disappointed about not getting to attend the main event:  Wizard World Convention – Comic Con 2012. Sigh. So much for getting my geek girl on.

“How’d I spend my time?” you might ask.

Having a “Mommy & Me” date, which included lounging in our lovely hotel room with a 5 (and a half or is it two-thirds) year old. We watched movies, played Nintendo 3DS, and ate snacks that aren’t particularly good for us. I also had the chance to read and write and rest. Not a bad way to spend a day.

And we managed to do some family fun things as a whole. We went to the LEGOLAND to indulge the boys’ current obsessions. We ate at the Cheesecake Factory to indulge one of my obsessions:  Dulce De Leche Caramel Cheesecake (Sorry I didn’t get photos of it but trust me it was good. I did get a picture of my Over the Top Meatloaf Sandwich.)

Keep in mind though that the trip to LEGOLAND ended much like our trip to the M&M store in Las Vegas i.e. with a little one scream for an exiting. Blaming us for not knowing about the mascot which was celebrating his 4th birthday and making a special appearance. Don’t’ get me wrong there were some really cool things to see there:

The important thing is that we found ways to connect as a family. It really isn’t about what we did but the fact that we did it together.

We listened to the sounds of the city, the hustle and bustle of the people, the airplanes taking off from O’Hare and cabs zooming to and from. We enjoyed the smooth silver buildings against the golden sunset.

I hated the traffic and having to drive through the city but all in all a wonderful trip … I love Chicago for its fast pace, shopping and food, and gorgeous skyline. Next year I hope to add Comic Con to the list of Chi-Town loves.

Filed Under: Postcards, Travel · Tagged: , , , , ,
Aug 8, 2012

Uh Oh! It’s Happened … I’ve Run Out of Things to Say

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English: WordPress Logo

English: WordPress Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Readers,

I have officially run out of things to say, which may directly impact your reading pleasure due to a disruption in the post schedule.

I am surprised I made it this far before getting this feeling … It’s been a little more than 3 months of me posting every few days.

When I thought about starting a blog the first time (3 years ago) I abandoned the idea because I didn’t think I would possibly be able to come up with enough content for a weekly post schedule.

But when I decided to take the plunge into the blogosphere 3 months ago I found I had lots of things to say, enough to post almost daily.

The beauty of blogging is that you can say whatever is on your mind and hopefully someone will read it, but if it sits unread you’ve still expressed yourself. Right? It doesn’t have to be profound or witty or pithy.

But I’ve spent the past week or so wondering about what I have to say. And I realized that the posts I like most are the ones where the topics are closest to my heart or my curiosity or my worries.

Now I have to figure out how to deliver my passions – these curious heart worries of mine – in a way that others will relate to or enjoy them. It’s daunting. I’m sure some of you, as fellow bloggers, feel my pain.

And for a woman who thought she’d be blogging in oblivion I wasn’t initially concerned about readers. The WordPress world gave me more than I bargained for … it gave me community … it gave me all of you. (Thank you for all the support and love.) Now I carry the weight of disappointing people or “pleasing” people, when I originally thought maybe a few family and friends would even care to read what I had to say.

So this post doesn’t really match the title because I’m doing a pretty good job of rambling on about not knowing what to say …

My dilemma is that I want to say things that are worthy … interesting … authentically me. To achieve a level of sophisticated simplicity in my writing that will resonate with you as well as with me. (I guess I better go live some life to make it happen.)

I’m holding out hope that inspiration will come – quickly.

Sincerely,

Blog-Author-Trying-to-Figure-Out-What-to-Say-Next 

Filed Under: Personal · Tagged: , ,
Aug 6, 2012
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I just love this!

https://thejottersjoint.com/2012/08/06/1521/

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Aug 6, 2012

Writing with Childlike Abandon

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I have the benefit of seeing my boys chase after butterflies … laugh at the world … live a carefree existence for the most part.

I consider myself fortunate that they remind me daily that creating is easy. I’ve shared before how kids aren’t bound by convention but loved the way this author put it in a recent blog post, What Writers Should Do When Drawing a Blank.

Take time to read it. It made me smile to imagine it … I am sure it will resonate with my fellow dream chasers and bloggers and writers and artists and anyone who has ever had an oh-to-be-a-kid-again moment.

Filed Under: Writing · Tagged: , , , ,
Jul 30, 2012

An End of an Era

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This past year or so has found us saying goodbye to many talented people, who have shaped our culture and our lives …

Steve Jobs
Whitney Houston
Don Cornelius
Sherman Hemsley
Richard Dawson
Dick Clark
Donna Summer
Andy Griffith
Ray Bradbury

And that’s just a short list. With each announcement I feel the hit. Each marking the fact that we’ve come to an end of an era.

This week finds me saying goodbye to a personal celebrity and life influencer. A woman who’s been a part of my life for more than three decades.

She was known for her role as church mother. If you’re not familiar with the term “church mother” it is a title of respect for a woman who cares for everyone she comes in contact with. Very common in predominantly African-American churches. It’s the living out of the African proverb:  “It takes a whole village to raise a child.”

Church mothers were vital to me growing up. They filled the gaps when my Mom wasn’t available because of work. We even called her mother.

As a church mother she shared her faith, strength, and wisdom. She encouraged us and spent time with us. She taught Sunday School and sang in the church choir. To this day her version of Go Tell It on the Mountain is the version that resonates with me.

Others will come along and show me examples of faith and strength. They’ll even provide me wisdom. But gone is her voice and experience.

She was known for being a church mother but she was famous for her southern hospitality, down-home BBQ, and home made peach cobbler.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve had the opportunity to stand beside her in the kitchen. She tried to pass down the recipe for the famous peach cobbler. But she was from the school of just a pinch or a dab, a smidge or a dash. It couldn’t be written down in measurements I could follow:  teaspoon or tablespoon or cup or quart.

It’s lost to us.

But the memory of her and everything she had to offer our lives and culture will live on. I celebrate her life and honor her legacy …

Thank you Mother for the hand you had in raising me.

Filed Under: Personal · Tagged: , , ,
Jul 29, 2012

The Suspension of Disbelief in Writing

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My boys know I am writing a novel. My oldest even remembers to ask me how it’s going from time to time. I love that about him. He’s very thoughtful.

Recently, he wanted an update:

“Mom, when will your book be published?”
“Well, I have to finish it first.”
“When will that be?”
“Next year I hope.”
“Okay. And then you’ll get it published.”

I love the fact that he assumes publishing is the automatic next step. He doesn’t know how difficult it can be. He doesn’t know that it may not happen. I am glad that he isn’t limited by the realities of chasing a dream. I hope he keeps that innocence.

I wish I still had the attitude of an eight year old; the child-like faith. Remember when we believed anything was possible? Remember feeling invincible? Remember thinking we would conquer the world? Well it’s still inside of you!

When I sat down a year ago to write my novel, I had this naïve outlook. Nothing was going to stop me. I thought it would be easy. What was my goal?

  • Goal #1:  90,000 words in a year and a completed manuscript.
  • Goal #2:  6 months to edit and send to publishers.
  • Goal #3:  Publish the manuscript.
  • Alternate Goal #3:  Self-publish. (Okay, so maybe it’s Goal #4)

And I wasn’t afraid. It was do-able. I believed I could pull it off. I’d made the decision. Nothing else was necessary.

Until I sat down to write. I wrote 4 paragraphs that were flat. They didn’t match the pictures in my head. I realized I didn’t know what I was doing. But it was still possible so I kept my goals intact and invested in learning what I needed to achieve my goals.

Writing is a process. It starts with an idea. Sometimes those ideas flourish and sometimes they fizzle out and die. Sometimes they can be resurrected.

I’ve talked about some of my writing rescues before. This one is new. I subscribe to a blog called WRITEtoDONE. In a recent post, Unleash Your Writing With This Trick from the Movies, they talk about “suspension of disbelief”. This concept helps me view my writing in a whole new way.

As August 31, 2012 draws near and I’m only a third of the way to my first goal, I’ve decided to reset the clock. I will add a year to my project counter in Scrivener. I’ll adjust the word goal accordingly.

I will sit down and write in a state of suspended disbelief. The realities of life won’t hold me back. My story will unfold as it does in my head. I’ll wait to ask questions like:  “Is this possible?” or “Is it realistic?” or “Will my readers believe this?” I’ll reserve my judgment on issues like:  “How will this plot idea work?” or “Is the dialogue authentic?”

My Suspension of Disbelief … my new affirmations …

  • I am a novelist. It’s possible.
  • I am an author who is invincible.
  • I can conquer the world of writing. Why not?

Reclaim your child-like faith. Believe again in the impossible being possible. Dare to tell people you’re invincible and then leap. Start conquering the world around you in every positive way.

Filed Under: Writing · Tagged: , , , , ,
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