This has been the week of broken things.
First – a fingernail. It was a chip really. Nothing a nail file couldn’t fix.
Then my curling iron. Thankfully, I had a spare. But now I have to buy a new one to replace the spare.
Next my computer which really hurt my feelings. And right before a writing conference.
I had a breakthrough in my writing. Lots of new words. But the broken computer stole my momentum and my spirit. Not for long though.
My fabulous husband came to my rescue and ordered me a new computer when I was prepared to wait until I thought we could afford it.
Apparently, when you’re a writer, you can’t afford to be without a computer. Grateful that my sweet loving husband gets that.
Hope to be back online this weekend.
Oct 4, 2012
Brokenness
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Oct 2, 2012
Off the Air … Unexpected
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My computer has died so the Jotter’s Joint will be off the air for a little while. I am incredibly sad. But post by phone won’t do.
Wishing you peace and happy blogging until we meet again.
~Gail
Sep 24, 2012
I’d Rather Be Writing …
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Don’t get me wrong, I like my job. I enjoy it. It fills some of my basic needs like a way to earn a paycheck. It also gives me the opportunity to learn new things every day; the opportunity to educate others (to a degree); and there’s variety even when everything is exactly the same.
Oh and did I mention, I’m good at it. That’s not a brag, it’s a truth. I’m good at my chosen profession.
Can you guess what’s next? Can you hear what is coming? Can you imagine the word on the tip of my tongue, on the point of my pen?
BUT …
I wouldn’t say I love it. And it isn’t my dream. It wasn’t my first choice. Which is probably why I’d rather be writing?
Remember taking career assessments in school? You know that ones … based on your interests and skills, they tell you what potential careers you should pursue. Well when I took them in junior high and high school my current job didn’t show up on the list. None the less here is where I’ve ended up.
So what did show up on the list? Journalism. Every single time I took a career assessment. And that was the path I thought I would follow. I loved writing and reading but not research. I still feel this way.
I’m not a journalist but I am a writer. This is my personal declaration despite lack of publication.
I’d rather be writing … more than handwritten correspondence … more than clever blog post … more than emails and business letters.
I’d rather be writing more than anything else in the world. This alone makes me a writer, right?
I find myself fully distracted at work and home. At the oddest moments I find myself craving a pen and paper or the click of my nails on the keys of my laptop. It’s so strong that I wish I could quit my job and walk away without regrets.
It’s NOT good. It’s NOT convenient. It’s NOT an option.
Do you have dreams or passions like this? A desire that’s all consuming? Feel free to share in the comments.
This distraction is paralyzing … You would think I’d be spurred on to write in the gaps of my days like a junky jonesin’ for a fix. But I don’t. Instead, I waste time watching TV or playing games on my computer (while I watch TV). I read or find any number of things to do with my time.
Why? When there are plenty of opportunities for me to focus on writing, the thing I’d rather be doing. Why am I squandering my dream?
It’s because it’s hard, as best described here by author and blogger, Jeff Goins. It’s because I’m most productive sitting at my desk at work in the early part of the day. It’s because I want it to be what I do in my “full time hours”.
Trust me … I know I need to use my time wisely so I can get to the point where I can transition to writing instead of carrying around this feeling. I will buckle down and get back to my novel.
Another personal declaration: I am a full time writer, who’s on the road to writing full time.
Anyway, just so we’re clear. In case you missed the meaning of this post. Let me say it again … I’d rather be writing …
What would you rather be doing?
Sep 21, 2012
How Sweet it is to Be Loved by You …
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Thanks to my super sweet blogger friend, Jenni over at News of the Times, for nominating me for a few awards. Sorry it took me so long to respond. This post is dedicated to the acceptance of the Super Sweet Blog Award.
Recipient Requirements:
- Thank the Person who nominated you
- Answer the 5 Super Sweet Questions
- Nominate a baker’s dozen of other Super Sweet Bloggers and let them know
Super Sweet Questions (and my answers):
1. Cookies or Cake?
Cookies because they are portable. I guess I could say (cup)cakes for the same reason, but there is something about a crisp but chewy cookie still a little warm that makes me smile. Truth be told? My girlfriend calls me an honorary “Cookie Monster”.
2. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Both. They’re best (sweeter shall I say) when they are together.
3. What is your favorite sweet treat?
That really depends on the day and time. Right now I am enjoying a couple of Keebler Sandies Cookies – Toffee Shortbread with my coffee as a breakfast dessert. Later I will have a few squares of Hershey’s Symphony – Almond Toffee Milk Chocolate bar. MMMM!
4. When do you crave sweet things most?
I find myself wanting something sweet right after lunch or while watching late night TV.
5. If you had a sweet nickname, what would it be?
I guess I would have to choose … Brown Sugar. Oh or maybe Cocoa.
A Baker’s Dozen (not quite … I am watching my sweet intake. Not really but my list isn’t quite that long):
If you are reading this and have a super sweet recipe you’d be willing to share, feel free to do so in the comments. Just know I’m not a great baker but I love great baked goods.
Sep 17, 2012
Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
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Art by one of my dude’s
The first time I heard this phrase was from my fifth grade teacher. I don’t know why I remember it.
She used to read out loud to us and each character had its own voice. It was the coolest thing.
One day a disagreement bubbled up about one of the stories she was reading us. I don’t remember what book it was or what caused the dispute. (The mind keeps what it wants.) But I remember her response.
She said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do you know what that means?”
Wagging our heads in ignorance she explained that beauty can be determined by the individual. That we didn’t have to agree that the words in the story were beautiful. WOW! I didn’t even know I needed a new point of view. Who does at the age of 9 or 10?
It changed my world. Or better yet … it opened my world wide. It helped me know that art is the artist’s expression but beauty is the observer’s impression. I understand that beauty is as varied and unique as a sea of snowflakes just as we are all different.
Learning such a simple but powerful phrase allowed me to create my own definition of beauty. One that would no longer be limited by popular culture.
It was the start of me being able to decide what beauty looked like. Even I could be beautiful. A girl who didn’t look like “valued beauty”. A girl who didn’t look like Barbie. Even a girl like me could be beauty.
Amazing!
Fifth grade was the year I learned to not just accept everything as it was presented to me, but to challenge myself and my beliefs. It was the year I learned to not just enjoy our school outings to concerts, plays, and the ballet. I learned to search for the beauty and meaning in them. My beauty. What I valued.
Every year at Christmas we had a school field trip to see a production of the Nutcracker Ballet. To this day, The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies, is my favorite. But the fifth grade found me wonder what makes it so beautiful to me?
I still don’t know the answer to the question. Maybe the beauty in it was the possibility in it. You see I wanted to be a dancer back than. And I would imagine myself dancing in the Nutcracker.
I hold the memories in my heart like snapshots in a photo album.
Grateful doesn’t describe what I feel for the teacher who shared these words with me. Now I work at helping my boys find what beauty is to them. In our house we have a saying, “Don’t yuck my yum.” It started out a way of teaching our kids to appreciate others food choices but it extends beyond that.
Maybe you have your own phrase as well … feel free to share in the comments.
I am reading the book, Matched, by Ally Condie. A dystopian story where a government structure defines appropriate beauty: 100 poems, 100 songs, 100 books, 100 paintings … All for the sake of control and keeping order.
Could you imagine living in a world where you couldn’t create new artist’s expressions? Or, a world in which you couldn’t share an observer’s impression unless it’s the “appropriate” impression?
There certainly wouldn’t be a blogosphere for you to hang out in. If you’d like, share your favorite poem, song, book, painting, play, etc. that you’d miss if it was no longer available to you …
This post is a round about way of reminding us to value the beauty you see in the world even if no one else values the same thing.
Sep 13, 2012
Speaking of Verbal Vomit …
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verbal abuse (Photo credit: iamsongs)
Here’s my rant. Not that you asked but I feel the need to share it anyway.
This week has been crazy. Crawl in the bed and curl up in fetal position kind of crazy. You know, the moment where you think: “I hope no one asks me for anything because I have nothing left to give.”
Read my lips before I spew unnecessary (and possibly inappropriate) words on you: NOTHING.
In the midst of the back-to-school process; figuring out a new routine (which have I mentioned I hate the change); attending open house and parents night; I’ve also had a sick dude. Strep throat. So, the past three days, my husband and I have been juggling schedules to make sure one of us is home to care for and comfort him.
But wait, there’s more …
My inbox keeps filling up with things that I need to do or respond to, both personally and professionally. Being out of the office doesn’t mean the world stops (although it would be nice if it did). This is one of my busy seasons. I was buried before my little guy needed the extra tender loving care.
Couple that growing work pile with an urgent and disturbing situation that I should have been outraged by but was surprisingly nonplussed. Shameful how desensitized we can be to truly poor behavior, attitudes, and opinions that are put in front of us. I wish I could share more on this topic but the details are confidential and my outrage, I think, is a slow burn.
All of these things together have eroded my patience. My mind wanders. I’m distracted. Hopefully, I’m not too mean. And I’m emotionally drained. It’s eating up all my energy.
But that’s not all …
I haven’t had any personal time to just be still. Solitude to rejuvenate. Silent time to think through it all. If I could just be separate and apart for a time, I wouldn’t be here hurling on you.
My writing has suffered too. When good ideas come I write them down in my notebook. I do my best to capture them … but I mean even finding the time to write a 500-word blog post has been difficult. Forget novel writing. My novel sits collecting dust on my mind’s bookshelf. An important part of writing, I’ve found, is time to just sit and think about writing. I need the “me time” to gather my thoughts.
“Calgon take me away.”
Do you remember this slogan? It’s sad when such a statement becomes your anthem.
Thankfully, someone took pity on me. A beautiful beacon of light. My dear friend and writing partner let me verbal vomit details all over her. She spared you the worst parts of the rant I have churning in my mind. Plus she sent me home with a cure for all that ails me … a box of tea bags and permission to have a quiet moment. Vanilla Caramel Chamomile sounds delicious but the Sleepy Time is what I am craving. I’ve reached my breaking point. I am scheduling a moment’s peace right now. Tonight I will recover.
I will lay my head on the cool tile floor of conversation, hugging the porcelain bowl of language while hoping I can just keep my mouth closed.
That is all … now my retching, I mean my rant is done.
My smile is back in place. My teeth serving as a stop-gate to any more blah blah blah blech.
Sep 8, 2012
If I Were Being Stalked by a Serial Killer, I’d Be a Goner
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Suzie Spoon – Serial Killer (Photo credit: What What)
I love routine. My movements could be easily mapped. My patterns of behavior would be predictable.
Each day of every week looks pretty much the same. Some of you are already thinking: BORING. But I’m of the school of thought that structure can be liberating. It maybe infinitesimal but it’s liberating none the less.
I AM A CREATURE OF HABIT! And proud of it. But it would make me an easy mark.
Weekday mornings I am “Major Mom” barking out orders like a drill instructor:
- Eat
- Brush
- Dress
- Shoes
- Bags
- Car
- NOW.
- Move
My kids like “routine” too even if they won’t admit it. Okay, honestly, I’m sure they’d prefer Mommy taking a less militant approach but this is the only one I’ve got. Anyway, they like knowing what to expect next. (My husband is the adventurous, no script required, one in our household.)
I take the same route to work every day … at the same times. If I have to make stops, I plan them so that I don’t have to deviate much.
Back-to-School this year has been torture because nothing is routine. Why?
I’ve spent most of the past year getting just me out the door. Sure I woke the boys and fed them and laid out their clothes but hubby handled getting them out the door (which is the hardest part). I was comfortable.
Now I am managing it all including drop offs. To a new school. That’s in a different direction. And Tuesdays and Thursdays are different than Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, thanks to 3 day a week kindergarten.
I am totally freaking out. It’s only been 4 days and we haven’t hit our stride which makes me weary.
Have you ever heard the 21-days-to-a-new-habit philosophy? You know, the theory that it takes 21 days of practicing something in order to forma new habit; for it to become automatic. It’s heavily touted in the world of motivation.
I’ve never made it to day 21 for any specific action or behavior that I wanted to make a habit. Mostly because I lose track; stop counting the days but keep practicing. Continued practice can lead to operating on autopilot. Let me be honest … I usually give up. Because I want results now … I don’t want to wait 21 days or longer.
I begin this new school year in the mode of trial and error which is driving me insane. Like pull my hair out, curl up in a ball, and suck my thumb, kind of crazy.
Best routes from the new school to work? I don’t know. Not yet. Best path with the least traffic to the new school from home? Not sure. Yet. Best way to get back to school and pick up the dudes? No, idea. At least, not yet.
There is one plus in all this uncertainty: I am safe from any would be stalkers. Each day has been different.
Like yesterday morning when my youngest said, “I forgot my water battle in Daddy’s car.”
To which I replied, “You left it at home?”
“No. I left it in Daddy’s car.”
“Which is at home. Do you really need it?”
“Yes,” through tears.
I went back to the house to get it. Why? Because he’s already struggling with starting kindergarten and this gave him peace of mind. Because that’s the kind of mom I am. Because, like I said, I’m crazy.
Or, like Wednesday when we had to go by the sitters to pick up the new hoodie my youngest left there because he needed it for the first day of school. “It’s part of my uniform.” It didn’t matter that it was already 80 degrees out. We took the detour to get it.
Take that serial stalker … you’ll have to wait a few months for me to figure out my routine. Then you can pick the best spot to nab me. Okay … seriously … I prefer not to be stalked or killed or kidnapped.
Alright, fess up. What routines are you not willing to let go of? What habits do you wish you could keep the same but are forced into changing? I can’t be the only one bordering on the obsessive compulsive.
Aug 31, 2012
Summer Swan Song
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Dear Summer,
Thank you so much for coming to visit. It seems like just yesterday that you arrived.
I am sad to say it but, farewell fun in the sun, fireworks, and family picnics. So long to sipping lemonade, sleeping in, and slip-n-slides. Goodbye going to the park, pool parties, and play-dates. Your favorite activities will be left behind and the playgrounds will be abandoned for a while.
But, we enjoyed our time with you. There are so many wonderful memories. Don’t worry, I’ve enclosed pictures for you.
Remember all the walking we did in the Las Vegas heat. And the littlest dude was sick with strep. That part wasn’t fun but we made up for it by eating well the rest of the trip. The fast food tour of the West coast was worth it.
I loved seeing the family for the first time in five years. WOW. How everyone has grown? Me a little wider. LOL. It was nice to sit and reminisce about childhood. Celebrate graduations and the next phase of life. Soak up some vitamin D on the front porch with you.
I’m so thankful that we were able to stay up late and sleep in. No where to hurry off to. People talk about lazy days and stopping to smell the roses (as the expression goes). Such beautiful blooms to admire, it was wonderful to stop and smell them along the way.
What fun it was to see the sights. Play tourist and buy souvenirs. Like trips to the USMC base, Camp Pendleton, to see the helicopters; the LEGO store; and the children’s museum in San Diego. Imagine an exhibit on garbage and recycling. We learned a lot about taking care of our planet because of it. We won’t forget our time together in California.
The thing I love about you, Summer, is the meals we share. We had a lot of great gatherings; breaking bread and catching up with all of our friends. Chicken and burgers on the grill; fresh fruit; ice cream … making s’mores over an open fire while watching the sunset … all of your favorite smells and flavors.
We read lots of great new chapter books with the boys. And they did some reading on their own which makes me smile. I’m glad it wasn’t all video games and movies. They managed to unplug a little bit too.
We will cherish the laughter and the tears of our trip to Chicago for Comic Con and LEGOLAND Discovery Center. Two LEGO locations, in two different states, during your visit; how funny.
I admit that it wasn’t all good times. There were those moments we had to say goodbye, not like I’m saying goodbye to you now, but final goodbyes to life long friends. People who lived full lives and people who were taken too young. Thankfully, you were here and, we could comfort one another which made it bearable.
Another one of my regrets is that we didn’t really make it to the beach. We drove by several while on vacation, but our feet never touched the sand; our toes never tested the water. Oh well, maybe next time you’re in town we can make that happen.
Thank you for helping us make the most of the season. Now we have new stories to tell; to hold us over until next year. Summer, it’s always hard saying goodbye. We wish you didn’t have to go but it’s time for the boys to go back to school and the rest of us to fall back into our routine.
We’ll miss you … Please take care until we see one another again.
Love Always,
Gail
PS. Next year come a little earlier and stay a lot longer.
Aug 29, 2012
The Booker Award
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Thank you to my dear blogger friend, Jenni, of News of the Times for the nomination of this award. Her blog keeps me informed of issues in the world but not like reporting the news. She also has some stunning pictures that she shares. Take a moment to check out her site.
Accepting this award includes:
- Nominate other blogs, as many as you want but 5-10 is always a good suggestion. Don’t forget to let your recipients know.
- Post the Booker Award image.
- Share your top 5 books of all time.
Listing my top 5 books of all time is more difficult than listing 7 things about myself, but here goes …
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
“Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit ‘em, but remember it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” The injustice that takes place in this story still amazes me. Even with proof we choose the path of ignorance and conformity to maintain our status in a flawed societal structure. We hide behind the law or religious belief and label our crimes against our fellow man as something other than what it is. I read this for the first time in high school with the naïve hope that one day it would not be true. And even though we’ve come a long way there are still places in this world where this type of injustice exists.
Unwind by Neal Shusterman
One of the teens in my life suggested this read. It’s a great book for generating discussion around topics like teen pregnancy, adoption, abortion, and government involvement in such issues. It shines a light on how our decisions for the sake of humanity can be just as horrific as the travesty we are fighting against. It has a creepy factor, like slowing down as you drive past an accident. Wondering if you’ll see something you don’t want to but secretly hoping you do.
Earth’s Children Series by Jean M. Auel
- The Clan of the Cave Bear
- The Valley of Horses
- The Mammoth Hunters
- The Plains of Passage
- The Shelters of Stone
- The Land of Painted Caves
Book 1 is my favorite in the series. Watching a young orphaned girl who is different; because she’s capable of forming words and has a rounded forehead, get adopted into a nomadic family who communicates without sounds. It shows us the first structures of authority we learn: familial hierarchy, community, and then world. It gives us the chance to experience being different to the point of being ostracized. I have to admit that I haven’t been able to read Book 6, which came out in 2011, because it didn’t get good customer reviews and I don’t want to ruin a story line I’ve been following for 14 years. Eventually, I will read it so I can see what’s next for Ayla and Jondalar but for now I am content.
Hunger Games Series by Suzanne Collins
- The Hunger Games
- Catching Fire
- Mockingjay
Again a recommendation from a teen reader, she keeps me in interesting books. Although this story is one of personal discovery, fighting the system, overcoming and a romantic subplot, the real story is about power. How we gain and lose it. How we wield it. How when liberated we may make the same choices (or worse) as those who were relieved of their power. There is a burden of responsibility, to do what’s right or best, that goes with the authority we have over others. Violent and tumultuous but a good way to look at the world we live in today.
Watership Downby Richard Adams
The first time I read this book it was because I wanted to know the story behind the animated movie I watched as a kid. For some reason animation can make something serious seem a lot lighter than it really may be. The struggle to get to safety. The challenge of deciding who to follow and why.
Again, a difficult list to narrow down but hopefully, you’ll add some new books to your “must read” list both from here and from the following nominees, once they’ve posted their lists:
- Visible and Real
- A Daily Thought
- By Amanda Lee
- A Serendipitous Happenstance
- enJOYin’ Life
- 1 Alive
- A Physical Perspective
- Forever Swizzle
- Good Old Girl
Thank you again to News of the Times for giving me the chance to share favorites from my bookshelf.
Happy reading …
Aug 26, 2012
… And They Lived Happily Ever After.
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I love fairy tales and romantic comedies. There is something about a boy-meets-girl kind of story.
Writers and filmmakers are good about letting us enjoy the emotional high of the story. Ending the story with “…and they lived happily ever after.” Fade to black or “the end” with blank pages. Sometimes this line is implied, not stated.
As much as I love a good romance, seeing the moment they knew, no one ever tells you what living happily ever after means. It’s a vague concept that deceives us into believing that everything is rosy. It lulls us into a false sense of security. It tells us that there aren’t any challenges after the issues from the “Meet Cute” to the “Happily Ever After” are resolved.
Every story is packaged in a blue box with a white bow (or something similar).
Don’t be deceived by Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or whichever fairy tale resonates most with you.
Here’s the truth …
After their Prince Charmings swept them off their feet and carried them off into the sunset to the castle in the clouds … A new day dawned and stuff needed to get done.
Someone had to run the household. Even with servants or maids … someone had to supervise all those rooms being cleaned and organized.
Someone had to prepare dinner even if you have a kitchen full of chefs. Someone had to work with the head chef to plan the meals.
Money had to be managed so that the household affairs were in order.
Children were necessary to carry on the royal line. And even with nannies or nursemaids the children are still the responsibility of the parents.
The relationship fires had to be stoked to keep it burning hot. So they had to “show up” in the relationship. They had to learn how to communicate with one another because their filters and upbringing affect their world views.
First fights were inevitable after the honeymoon was over.
The struggles they overcame to be together are indicative of life. There’s always a conflict that needs resolving. There’s always something. “Happily Ever After” does NOT mean you go through life together without any problem or challenge. They just don’t tell us that part of the story.
“…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.”
The secret to “Happily Ever After” is compromise, sacrifice, humility, and submission. You have to come to the relationship ready and willing to do these things.
My husband and I are living our “Happily Ever After”. We’ve had (have) our ups and downs. We had times we didn’t think we were going to make it. We’ve learned a lot over the years …
The first two years we were together when we would argue I’d get in my car and go to the store to think about things. I am confrontation adverse in that way. He would follow me to the door saying, “Can’t we talk about it?” Over time we’ve learned that I need a little more time to process and he needs closure quickly so I can’t ignore the conversation. We meet in the middle.
I kept a calendar for paying my bills even if I still paid them late. He paid his bills the day they arrived. Eventually, I decided that it was better to let him handle the bills. I always know what’s in the accounts. We’ve agreed that we keep one another informed of purchases but for the most part … managing money is his deal.
We have different ideas about parenting. One example, he believes in paying for “A” grades. I believe children should do their best in school and that reward shouldn’t be monetary. We find ways that allow both our needs to be met without confusing the boys in our expectations.
We have a mortgage and children. Our time is limited and we’re stretched thin. We don’t agree on everything. We are faced with the needs of aging parents. We have family and friends who need and want our attention. But our lives would be boring without all the struggle.
It’s NOT perfect, but …
I will fight for him and he will fight for me. We’re in this together. We compromise and sacrifice our way to “Happily Ever After” with submission and humility. It can be done. But it takes hard work.
What about you? What’s your definition of “Happily Ever After”? Have you found it?
the Jotter's Joint 